How to Approach Being a Military Wife

Being a wife in general is tough and trying at times, but being a military wife has a whole extra set of stressors lumped on top of marriage. Let’s face it, being a military wife is not for everyone and many that jump into the lifestyle do not always look at the big picture. It truly does take a certain type of woman to stand by their military man, and it is much of that character and personality that will help make the experience a rewarding experience.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

1. Break any umbilical cord tendencies you may have. In other words, you must be able to stand on your own two feet and be independent. Being needy and dependent solely upon your military man for your every need and happiness will create problems. Your relationship should not be dependent upon him making your life, and should not be the only entity that defines you as a person.
2. Maintain individual interests, hobbies and careers as much as you can. You had those interests before you got married, and there is no reason to give them up once you are married. This comes in especially handy for military spouses who have to deal with separations from their husbands. It gives you something to do and feel good about, which will make time go faster.
3. Learn all you can about what support is available to you in the military community such as wives clubs and family support centers. You are only alone if you choose to be alone. The best support you can get will come from the military community you are a member of.
4. Have inner strength. You will almost always need to find a reserve stash of strength inside yourself. Keep your humor and learn to find humor in everything. There is serious truth in what laughter can do for the soul and mind.
5. Know that you will have to make sacrifices, and look for all the positives in the situation. Dwelling on the negatives will weight you down and make you feel miserable.
6. Build a realistic and frugal family budget. Overspending is a big problem for military families, and the modest pay does not always yield you the right to spend any way you want. Look for bargains, shop with coupons and make sure to have a savings account for money you will save. Remember, there are always going to be obstacles that come up and nab at your finances like unexpected expenses during moves which are not always covered or paid out timely. You should maintain a savings account of at least $2000 for emergency use at all times.
7. Keep credit card use to a minimum. Again, financial problems are a number one cause of marital instability and in a military marriage the last thing you want to create is any extra stress.
8. Make sure any and all bills are paid on time. Paying bills need to be a priority, because missed payments can lead to your husband getting into trouble at work when creditors start calling. Yes, they zone right in on the fact that the husband’s employer is the military and creditors will not hesitate to call a person’s military supervisor to help them squeeze out payments.
9. Be creative. You will no doubt experience birthdays, anniversaries and even the births of children that may be missed by your military husband. Do not take it personal, and learn to be creative to make up for the time lost. Use alternate dates for birthdays and anniversaries, and you and your husband choose a person to be your support during childbirth.
10. Become an informed military spouse. Ask questions about any aspect of the lifestyle you are unsure of. Direct these questions to your husband, to wives clubs and to the family support center. Being armed with knowledge about the military lifestyle keeps the wife informed and makes them feel part of the lifestyle. It will allow you to prevent being caught off guard.
11. Encourage plenty of quality time with your military man. Do not use “the children” as an excuse to not find time to enjoy with your husband. You have to make the most of the time you do have with them building personal memories as well as family time memories. There has to be a balance between the job, the family and the wife.

Tips & Warnings

• Be positive and make the most of every situation you will be put into. Complaining and getting upset about all the negatives will not make them pass any faster and it will not change the situation either.
• Before you make the leap into a military marriage, you may want to seek out relationship counseling. You and your partner can communicate about all the aspects of the military lifestyle and work out a game plan to approach the possible situations you will be dealing with.