How to Ditch a Friend

Sometimes you need time alone—or at least time apart from a friend who just can't seem to stay away. Ditching a friend doesn't have to be permanent unless you want it to be. If your friend's important to you, it also doesn't have to affect your friendship negatively as long as you're tactful. Read on to learn more.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderate

Permanently Ditch a Friend

1. Determine whether you want to permanently ditch your friend. If your friend makes you feel bad, ditch him permanently. Sometimes a bad friend is overly hurtful; sometimes he masks his negative feelings as advice or as gloating in his own successes. Sometimes, you may have merely outgrown the friendship.
2. Write down everything you don't like about your friend. This is just for yourself, so be as brutally honest as you need to be to get everything down on paper. If you find yourself remembering her good points, write those down, too. If you have more good points than bad, make sure you really want to ditch her.
3. Confront your soon-to-be-ditched friend about his behavior or personality if this is the problem. Tell him what he's been doing that has hurt or upset you, or explain why you can't be as close to him as you were. Talk about it in terms of your feelings so you aren't accusing him of anything, but simply sharing how his behavior or personality affects you.
4. Explain that you've decided to end your friendship. Make it clear to your friend that your decision isn't negotiable. You might need to point out what the end of the friendship means to clarify that you don't want further contact with her.
5. Behave politely towards your former friend if you run into him professionally or socially.

Temporarily Ditch a Friend

6. Decide why you want to ditch your friend. Sometimes it's just a matter of spending too much time with a person; sometimes it's a matter of needing to develop additional friendships to have a well-rounded life.
7. Be honest with your friend about your relationship. If she drops by your home on a regular basis, firmly tell her that you're too busy to see her. If she calls a few times a day, let her know that you need fewer calls. Staying on top of ways a friend eats up your time can make ditching her for any length of time unnecessary.
8. Tell your friend that you need to spend time away from him—for a day, a week or however long you need to. Let him know that you care about him. Focus on the fact that this is something you need to do for yourself rather than something you're doing in response to him.
9. Plan a day in the future to get together for lunch, shopping or a movie after you explain that you need to spend time apart. Making plans with your friend in the same conversation shows her that you value her friendship and aren't ditching her for good.
10. Say no whenever you don't want to do something with your friend. Hanging out with your friend when you want to be alone or with someone else only creates resentment, and might lead to you needing to permanently ditch your friend.

Tips & Warnings

• Listen to your instinct; a bad friend won't always look bad from the outside.
• If you're not up for a conversation with a friend you're ditching, send a letter instead.
• Letting a friendship passively fade away by refusing to return phone calls or by making excuses about why you can't see your friend creates a more difficult situation. She'll probably keep calling and won't understand what's happening.