How to Refuse a Request to Meet an Adopted Child

Birth parents may decide to place a baby up for adoption for a number of reasons. A birth mom or dad may feel they are too young to be parents. Birth parents may not have the financial resources to support a child or be in a bad relationship. Putting a baby up for adoption is a difficult and emotional decision. When a child reaches a certain age they may decide they what to meet their birth mom or dad. Not every birth parent will want to pursue a meeting. Read on to learn more.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderate

1. Think about your reasons for not wanting to meet the child. Determine if fear is holding you back, or you just do not want to revisit that time in your life. Talk with a supportive friend or counselor if needed to figure out way you do not want to meet with the child.
2. Be honest about your feelings. Meeting your biological child may bring up emotions such as sadness, guilt and a sense of loss. If negative emotions are associated with your decision to put the child up for adoption it may be too painful to meet a child. It's understandable if you do not want to stir up negative emotions.
3. Consider putting your feelings into writing. Writing a letter to the child you put up for adoption will help them understand your reasons for not wanting to get together. It may prevent hurt feelings and allow your biological child to understand why they were put up for adoption and answer questions without having to meet.
4. Keep in mind the child's feelings. A child who finds their birth parents may be curious and have many questions. While you have no obligation to meet the child, it's important to be kind when refusing. Explain your feelings as kindly as possible.
5. Let go of the guilt. Putting a child up for adoption may have been the best option for the child at that time. You may want to put that time in your life behind you and you have the right to do that. Feeling guilty about your decision will not help you or the child.
6. Get support. Contact organizations such as Life Mothers or Birth Mom Buds. The mission of these organizations is to provide support and assistance to birth parents. Forums and message boards are available where birth parents can give advice to each other on how they tactfully refused to meet a biological child.