How to Tolerate a NASCAR Fan

NASCAR fans can present a unique set of challenges for those who love and support them. The never ending screams, the smell of motor oil and the refusal to wear anything not related to their favorite driver make it difficult to sit next to them in the ballet or the symphony. These simple steps will help you cope with the NASCAR fan in your life.

Instructions

Difficulty: Easy

Placating a Fan

1. Know the favorite driver of your NASCAR fan.
2. Research the color of the car this driver drives so you can cheer wildly when you see any car that color making a left hand turn. This will placate the most rabid NASCAR fan.
3. Map any trip you have to take on Sunday using left hand turns only. Your NASCAR fan will feel as if he's in the race to the chase.
4. Scream at any car who passes you on the right, threatening to put him into the wall.
5. Remember that a yellow light is a caution, swerve gently from left to right to maintain your tire heat. You can not change positions in a yellow, do not pass any other cars but do not let them pass you, either.
6. Periodically, turn to your NASCAR fan and holler, "Boogity boogity boogity, boys, let's go racing!"

Thwarting a Fan

7. Insist upon seeing a movie on Sunday afternoon.
8. Purchase tickets to the symphony and drag your NASCAR fan along. You will have to bring along appropriate apparel.
9. Suddenly announce that you've heard a rumor that his favorite driver has a new sponsor and his colors are now sherbet green and rainbow pink.
10. Tell him that you purchased tickets to Daytona but you've lost them.