How to Tell if You're Having an On-line Affair

Internet technology has created a whole new subculture of infidelity, one that didn't even exist a decade ago. How to tell if your on-line "friendships" are crossing the line.

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• Honesty with yourself
• A forgiving partner

1. What are you saying about yourself to the people you talk to on-line? If you've been married for ten years, but tell people in chat rooms that you're single, take a step back and examine this deception.

2. Where do you go to meet people on-line? Chances are, if you're hanging out in chat rooms geared toward mechanics or home-improvement projects, you're not trying to establish an emotional relationship. Hanging out in chat rooms with a romantic or sexual tone could be inviting trouble.

3. When chatting with someone, how intimate do your conversations get? Learning about one's favorite foods or books they're reading is one thing; asking what one's favorite sexual fantasy or position is another entirely.

4. Are you hiding your on-line friendships and conversations from your partner? The fact that this would even cross your mind should send up red flags all over the place. A good barometer for this is to ask yourself if you'd be willing to let your partner sit at the computer with you as you chat with your new "friend."

5. Don't kid yourself into thinking that on-line affairs aren't as hurtful as real ones. In some cases, they can be even worse; instead of a strictly physical relationship, the offender is entering into a strictly emotional one, at least at first. Should the on-line affair continue, it's not much of a stretch to think that a physical affair isn't far behind.

6. Be honest with your partner, as hard as that may sound. The sooner the two of you can talk things out as a couple, and the more honest you can be with each other, the better you'll both be able to decide whether the relationship is worth saving.

Tips & Warnings

• Don't underestimate the resourcefulness of your partner, especially if he or she suspects you of cheating. If they're determined enough, they will find out.
• Keep in mind that the person you're cheating with has feelings, as well. If you've lied about your situation in order to keep someone interested, you run the risk of hurting everyone involved, not just your partner.

[elle4you]

on 10/19/2009 Dear Justchuc,
..take walks holding hands,confide in her, let her confide in you, send emails to her at work,...call her to tell her you were thinking about her great tight derriere ect. She will realize what she is giving up in you!!!! Good luck, your friend Elle

[elle4you]

on 10/19/2009 Dear Justchuc,

....fulfill her romantic fantasies not just talk about it, all he can do is talk, and write. Words are a powerful aphrodisiac, so use them....but you can also provide some real time thrills, gifts,and cuddling he cannot. Say things to her...these are reasons why she began to talk to him anyway. She was feeling like an old taken for granted, married for 20 years woman...and he made her feel like an exiting, interesting, girl again!! You really can't blame her for liking that feeling. He was seducing your wife!!! and she fell for it. Is he married too? At least she told you. What is she going to do, support him when he moves over here? Ha......Just start slow...take her away on a vacation...away from the internet. Rediscover her, be charming and attentive. Let her know how much she means to you. Bring her flowers, rediscover your sexlife...take walks holding hands,con...

[elle4you]

on 10/19/2009 Dear Justchuc,

OMG.....I am a woman who is just coming off of an on line "affair" that I had been having for a year! I am also married for 25 years....and I now realize how insane I was over someone in Sweden that I had never even met face to face before....Trust me, over 1/2 of the attraction is the fantasy. It is all talking...the promises, Trust me this guy is playing it up big to your wife, and it is not hard to fall for a guy who built up in her mind as "the perfect man,...but really is "all talk, and no action" literally. He could be saying anything about himself...and she is swept away and believes him. You are in an extraordinary position however, because you are with her. And actions truly do speak louder than words...(even if those words have a "sexy foreign accent") You can really bring her the flowers,....fulfill her romantic fantasies not just talk about it, all he can ...

[justchuc]

on 12/7/2008 my wifw of 20 years is giving up our mariage for someone in austrailia who she got on the ps3 chat line. she says she love him and doesn't want to be more than friends with me. I never thought this would happen and really don't know how to show here how insane this is considering we live in arizona. she says she hasn't talked sexual with him and i belive her but i am hurting and could use some help. [e-mail]