How to Help a Child Overcome Separation Anxiety

Children who are not used to being apart from their parents usually suffer from separation anxiety. A common example would be when a child goes to school for the very first time or when a parent goes on prolonged absences, for example, a business trip or divorce.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

1. Be honest. Days or weeks prior to a separation, start talking to your child. Explain to your child that the separation will only be temporary and that you will be with your child again. The sooner the child knows, the better, giving the child time to get used to the separation.
   
   Oftentimes, parents think that the more they keep the separation a secret, the better it is for the child. Quite the contrary, for the child will be unhappy because it is abrupt. How many times have we seen wailing young children during their first day of school pulling their parent's hands, begging not to be let go? This would have been lessened if the child had been told way ahead of time so that it would not come as a surprise, and there would be no feeling of abandonment on the child's part.
   
   Tell your child the positive side of being apart and to look forward for togetherness.
2. Do not show how sad you are whenever you part ways. Sometimes the sadness from the parents is felt by the child through body language or sadness in the parent's eyes and tone of voice. Parents are oftentimes unaware that these emotions are coming out subconsciously. A child who is used to being with the parent under normal circumstances would know the difference and, therefore, react in a sad way.
3. Do not threaten your child that you will get mad to stop your child from being sad. Instead, tell your child you are not too far away and that you will see each other again right after school. Tell your child about the fun things she will do in school and that there she will meet new friends so she will not be too lonely.
   
   This may be a tough sell, especially if you are leaving for a long business trip or divorcing from your spouse, but if you tell your child that while you are away you will keep in touch as often as possible, it will be easier for the child to cope with the separation.
4. Leave a note to your child and put it in your child's lunch box. Tell your child not to open the note unless it is lunch time. This gives your child something to look forward to each day.
   
   If you are going to be away for a while, have your spouse put the note in the lunch box for you. Prepare several notes for several days with different messages each time. Make the note fun so that your child will always be happy.
5. Keep in touch with your child if possible. It may not always be possible while your child is in school, but if you can try to call or visit your child during lunch break, do so. Your child will feel much better knowing that he can talk to you every now and then.
6. Show happiness when you see each other again. Ask how your child's day was and show great enthusiasm for everything she shows you. This will make your child happy knowing she has made you proud, and next time you will be apart, your child will not feel as sad as the first time.

Tips & Warnings

• If your child has a favorite toy, let your child bring it to school. Make sure your child keeps it in his school bag and does not to play with it during class.
• If your child is older and the school allows cell phones, give one to your child and keep in touch during break time.
• Do not make promises you cannot keep. Some parents lie just to keep their children from crying, but in the end children betrayed if the promises never come true.