How to Tell If Your Girlfriend is a Psycho

So....you've started dating again and just met this great lady. She's attractive, she's fun to be with, things are starting to move along, heck, you may have even been intimate together. But, in the back of your mind, you have this nagging feeling that something is just not right. Here's a quick check to tell if your girlfriend is a psycho.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderate

Things You’ll Need:

• Any girlfriend
• Lots of patience

1. She telephones you...constantly. At the office, on your cell phone, at your house. There are multiple messages on the answering machine, in addition to text messages. Anytime she wants you to call her when you get home from work - even if it's 3am ... psycho.
2. You mention that you're going with your children to the park ... and she asks to bring her children along. As a second date this may be a convenient means for her to measure your worth as a parent, but it may also be that she is measuring you up as a father figure for her children.
3. She invites you to go away overnight and requests you to escort her to a meeting in the afternoon. She says "it's a timeshare inspection" and talks about it being "our first purchase together".
4. She knits you a sweater ... and you live in the subtropics. Unbeknown to you, knitters don't craft sweaters unless you're a "keeper". Behold if you ever wear the sweater out in public. That very action is held in the same regard as a wedding ring.
5. She shows up at your residency unannounced. The degree of her being psycho increases proportionately with the distance she lives away. If she lives more than thirty minutes driving, across town, in another state, or crosses an international time zone ... psycho.
6. Breaking and entering becomes her forte when you don't respond to her telephone calls. The extent of her psycho-ness increases exponentially if you live in a gated community and she has to scale the fence to get to your residency.
7. She calls your father to see if you are there ... and he doesn't even know who she is.

Tips & Warnings

• Being seen dating another will be inflammatory to any psycho girlfriend. Ensure your have adequate house and auto insurance before doing so, or alternatively, move to another country.
• Not all girlfriends will display these attributes. Most psycho girlfriends will display a combination of irrational behavior.