How to Fall Without Getting Hurt

No matter how carefully we tread, once in awhile we’re going to fall down. The trick is to do it properly, without looking like a total idiot and, most importantly, without getting hurt. You’ll have milliseconds to execute the steps below, so it’s best to memorize them or even practice, preferably on soft, shag carpet.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderate

Things You’ll Need:

• Quick Reflexes
• Nonchalance
• Snappy comeback (optional)

1. Look down. Take a quick glance at what’s below you. If you see you’re about to tumble into a bed of nails or shards of glass, try to shift all your weight in a different direction.
2. Compact your body. Tuck in all fingers, hands and flailing arms. Crunch up into as solid a mass as possible.
3. Go with it. The biggest mistake people make when they are falling is to try to stop themselves.
4. Get up, brush yourself off and act as if it were no big deal.
5. Look around to see if anyone saw you. If so, give them a snappy comeback if you feel up to it. These could include “That completes my workout for the day,” “Where’s my clown coach when I need him?” or “Wow, I needed that.”

Tips & Warnings

• Worry more about not getting hurt than how you look to strangers.
• Screaming may not help break your fall, but it may make you feel better. But be aware it will also draw more attention to yourself.
• If you feel you’re falling flat on your face, as I once did running for the bus in platform clogs and a heavy backpack, the only thing that may save you is prayer. A good pair of glasses also salvaged my eyes.
• Don’t be afraid to ask for help getting up if you need it, or someone to call 911 if you need that.
• Never try to break the fall by putting your arms out. This will only serve to break your wrist.
• Don’t spend the next week thinking about it. Unless you made a spectacle on ice in front of a city bus or knocked an old lady into traffic to get run over by that bus, no one else will be thinking about it, either.