How to Avoid Alienating Black Friends

So you've managed to make a few black friends. Finally, you have a comeback when someone accuses you of being a racist. Friendship is fleeting, though, so don't blow it by falling into one of these easy traps.

Difficulty: Easy

Instructions

1. Don't ask if you can touch her hair. If you do sneak a fondle, try not to exclaim, "It feels almost human!"

2. Don't use the word "nappy" in any context. Nothing good can come of it.

3. Don't complain about political correctness.

4. Try to hide your surprise when you discover that he can conjugate verbs properly.

5. Ease up on calling him "bro" or her "girl" or them "you people".

6. Don't claim that white people invented jazz, rock 'n roll or diabetes.

7. Don't tell a story by saying "this black guy did such and such" if the guy's race has nothing to do with the story.

8. Just avoid O.J. Simpson altogether.

9. Stop referring to low-quality items as "ghetto".

10. Don't begin any sentence with, "I was watching Bill O'Reilly the other day..."

11. Don't ask her if she knows Frank from Accounting if the only reason she might know Frank from Accounting is because he's black too.

12. Don't assume an affinity for basketball, rap music, BET or prison-yard shanks.

13. Don't refer to anything as "colored"; not crayons, not TVs, not stained-glass windows and especially not people.

14. Be yourself, but if being yourself results in repeated violations of the rules listed above, maybe you shouldn't have black friends.

Tips & Warnings

• Not all items apply to all black people. Your friends' level of tolerance may vary. Speak at your own risk.

[supermodeldiva]

on 11/24/2008 THIS ARTICLE IS ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS...HAHAHAHAHA...WE AS A SPECIES SHOULD B ABLE LAUGH AT OURSELVES...CAUSE IN ALL ACTUALITY WE R ONE.....WHE ALL SKIN IS REMOVED ALL U C IS MUSCLE OUR JUS THE SKELETON...TELL ME PPL CAN U REALLY TELL THE DIFFERENCE

[LovelySistah]

on 6/30/2008 I agreed witht the majority of this list (except for the "colored" thing), however I would also add not to complain incessantly if a black person asks not to be called a ni99a, and do not use the existence of your black friends as proof that you are not racist. You can be a racist and still have black friends.

[Syncopechic]

on 3/30/2008 I think this is a great article! I maybe 'white' and I do have 'black' friends. I have never done any of these things to any of them. I also just got a 'black' goddaughter! Besides I am not even close to the color white and I have never seen a totally black colered person. I am a shade of a tanish, yellowish, pink. Some of my friends are a very dark brown or cafe type color. Some of them are the same skin tone as some light hispanics. What is the difference? Nothing but skin color and education. I think that is the point the author is trying to make.

[Syncopechic]

on 3/30/2008 I think this is a great article! I maybe 'white' and I do have 'black' friends. I have never done any of these things to any of them. I also just got a 'black' goddaughter! Besides I am not even close to the color white and I have never seen a totally black colered person. I am a shade of a tanish, yellowish, pink. Some of my friends are a very dark brown or cafe type color. Some of them are the same skin tone as some light hispanics. What is the difference? Nothing but skin color and education. I think that is the point the author is trying to make.

[lizleiba]

on 2/27/2008 I don't think it's stupid at all. Especially considering that even though the article is sarcastic and somewhat tongue in cheek, a lot of these things actually do happen. They've happened to me personally, so I'm sure they happen to others. Most things probably seem stupid when you don't understand them!