How to Stop a Wife From Snooping

Women are naturally curious. Turn them into wives and that curiosity quotient triples. Even if you’ve given your wife no reason to suspect you of anything, wives like to snoop. Don’t blame her, women can’t help themselves. But you can make the snooping more fun for her, and even stop altogether, with a few simple steps.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderate

Things You’ll Need:

• Paper
• Pen
• Poetic imagination

1. Plant little slips of paper. These are the notorious scraps found in men’s pockets that traditionally hold other women’s phone numbers. Your hidden slips of paper should have numbers with headings like “Spa for my wife when she needs a day off” and “Jeweler I’ll call for an expensive gift for my wife if she stops snooping.”
2. Adjust your cell phone. Program in names like “Honey,” “Baby” and “Love of my life.” Just make sure all the numbers that go with those headings are your wife’s cell or work number.
3. Hide guilt-inducing messages. As much as women like to snoop, they are often plagued by guilt about the process. Put a piece of paper in your wallet that says “I’m so glad my wife doesn’t snoop.” Hide another slip in your jeans that is clearly the beginning of a love poem for her.
4. Finish the love poem and read it to her. Ask if her if this helps prove your love and will she please stop snooping.

Tips & Warnings

• Talk honestly. Ask her why she’s snooping in the first place.
• Show your love any chance you can. It helps build trust and strengthen the relationship.
• Never actually leave another women’s number in your pocket, even in jest.
• Never give her reason to doubt you. One smear of lipstick on your collar is enough to crumble all trust in a relationship.
• Don’t get too carried away with lovey-dovey hidden messages for your wife or she may get so excited she’ll keep continuing to snoop for more.
• Don’t get offended. Just as men traditionally like football or beer, women like to snoop.