How to Maintain a Healthy Relationship With Your Teen

In our culture, an adolescent's main task is to develop an identity separate from her parents. While all relationships are constantly changing and evolving, a healthy relationship with your teenager will make her transition into adulthood easier for both of you.

Difficulty: Easy

Instructions

1. Stay involved in your teen's life. Talk to him and get to know his friends. Allow him to bring friends home. Learn what he is interested in. Continue to show love and support. Teenagers report that parents remain the most influential people in their lives.

2. Communicate with respect. Teens tune out quickly when the "chat" becomes a lecture. Even if your teen is screaming, you need to speak calmly. When you lose emotional control, you risk the loss of your child's respect.

3. Give your teen time and space. Be flexible and don't attempt to control her; rather, teach your teen to control herself. A lot of what teens do can be maddening and frustrating, making it imperative that you remain flexible.

4. Let go of the "I can fix it" mentality. Let your child talk about his problems. Be supportive but allow your teenager to learn from his mistakes. If you always bail him out, he will never learn to be responsible for his actions.

5. Be clear about rules and consequences. Sometimes it's helpful to write down the rules and consequences so there are no misunderstandings.

6. Show your appreciation for your teen's special and unique qualities. Remind him about the things you love about him. At the same time, allow him to have his own feelings and ideas. While you may not agree, he isn't necessarily wrong.

7. Respect your teen's choices. Her green hair and odd clothing are all part of the identity struggle. The more you argue about the minor things, the longer they are likely to last.

Tips & Warnings

• Don't try to be a "cool" parent. Your teen has friends. He needs you to be unchanging and unhip with strong morals and values.
• Don't nag. It falls on deaf ears.
• Respect your teen' s privacy.
• Mood swings are a natural part of a teen's life. However, if you see signs of reckless behavior, depression, drug use, violent outbursts of temper or a decline in school performance, it may be time to seek professional advice.