How to spot the most annoying person in the movie theater

Going to the movies is one of life's simple pleasures, but too many
people treat the theater like their own living room. Beware the
following characters, who can make a great movie into two hours of
cinematic hell.

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Instructions

1. The Repeater: This character isn't content to watch the movie
   silently. He or she will repeat key lines a few seconds after the
   actors say them. It's often a punch line, but sometimes it can be an
   inane piece of dialogue with little impact on the story.

2. The Cell Phone Watcher. Maybe he's Secret Service or a head honcho
   with a major corporation who can't miss one phone call. More likely,
   he's a lout who thinks his buddy will try to call him any minute now.

3. The Explainer. This character might be forgiven if the film in
   question is a kid's movie and she is trying to put the action into
   context for her child. Usually, it's just a loud mouth who assumes
   everyone around her doesn't understand the story, and it's up to her
   to make sense of it all.

4. The Crazy Laugher: Comedies are funny, or at least they're supposed
   to be. But this gent thinks every pratfall and punch line is a gift
   from the comedy gods. And much worse, he's got the kind of cackle that
   could wake the dead. If you spot him early in a film, switch seats if
   at all possible.

5. The Fidgeter: This fine fellow or gal feels hemmed in by the modern
   movie house seat, so it's time to start struggling for space. That
   means kicking the back of your chair throughout the movie and
   otherwise making his or her presence felt during critical scenes. It's
   understandable if the film in question is pushing three hours in
   length, but most healthy people can sit still for two hours without
   doing the Lambada in their chair.

[fefifofum]

on 10/26/2008 LOL thanks for the laugh!!!

[Bri1christ11]

on 4/29/2008 lol thats funny i like the explainer

[Blackbear]

on 12/27/2007 Very funny and very true! Once again, you made me laugh into tears! Keep writing!!!!

[diggitydogg]

on 12/27/2007 Great article. I have to add one more. The people who have already seen the movie and think they're cool, so they have to say the lines before the actors say them!

[diggitydogg]

on 12/12/2007 Great article. I have to add one more. The people who have already seen the movie and think they're cool, so they have to say the lines before the actors say them!