Things You'll Need:
- pen
- paper
- a thesaurus
-
Step 1
Attempt to retrieve a tiny slip of paper from your jacket/pocket:
An actor should have his or her Oscar speech cold by the first
semester of drama 101. But it always looks better to hastily grab for
a piece of paper with your notes scribbled on it, as if these thoughts
had come to you an hour before the show and you jotted them down on
the nearest napkin. -
Step 2
Spend the first five to 10 seconds staring into space. No matter
how favored you may be for the award, it's best to look dazed upon
hearing your name. Rapid blinking, ringing the statuette in your hand
and peering into the crowd as if looking for an approving nod from
Jack Nicholson are also recommended. -
Step 3
Thank at least one obscure person. It's always great to give your
director and co-stars some love. But make sure in between blowing the
spouse a kiss and thanking dear ol' Ma, you praise one person no one
expected you to thank, like a third-grade arts teacher or a neighbor
who used to sit you on his knee and tell heart-warming stories, -
Step 4
Stumble, stammer and stutter. You make your living, essentially, by
making speeches in front of groups of people. Here, you have to
squelch those hard-trained skills to appear humble. Just make sure to
rally in time for the final line of your acceptance speech. It's
permissible to nail that moment cold. -
Step 5
Go political, and then pull back. Every actor wants to make "A
Statement," but they're often afraid of the consequences. It's best to
start to say something controversial, and then backpeddle far enough
to avoid stepping into something you'd rather not discuss for the next
month. You'll appear wise and courageous all at once, even if you're
neither.
