How to Get Drunk Fast

So you have decided it is party time. If you are like me, that means lets get crunk. This will be a step by step guide to take you from sober and calm to crunk and crazy!

Instructions

Difficulty: Easy

Things You’ll Need:

• Booze
• Encouraging Friends
• Designated Driver
• Lack of Inhibition
• You need to be 21+

1. This a very important step. Locate and acquire cash and/or credit card. You will be needing this to purchase your materials. We are going for quantity here people not quality.
2. Have the designated driver take you to your preferable watering hole, be it a pub, bar, lounge, or club.
3. Succeed in entering the aforementioned location. Produce ID and wish the door staff a good night, you be seeing them again.
4. It begins! Upon entering make haste directly to the bar. Useful tip- say things like, "I'm here to paaaaartay!", "what's cookin good lookin!". These will help in setting the mood.
5. Upon arriving at the bar order a shot of your choice and a beer to chase it with.
6. Drink shot. Drink beer. Repeat.
7. Now have your friends join you by taking shots with them and chasing with beers. This will let the bouncers know you may be drunk, but you are not a lonely drunk.
8. Now you should be feeling a bit buzzed. So, switch to mixed drinks. The fruitier the better. You will want to start singing and dancing at this point, this is important.
9. Upon finishing a few mixed drinks and staggering and slurring, it is time to declare to the bar that YOU are Dot Nrunk. And we believe you. So you will now take a shot of straight whiskey or tequila, your choice.
10. Throw up on floor and nearby onlookers.
11. Congrats, you are that guy. The drunken partier who knows no limits. Remember, keep it classy. Tell everyone, I threw up because I had taco bell, not because I am drunk.
12. At this point the bouncers will be politely telling you to leave. You will let them know you were leaving anyways because their bar sucks and the drinks were weak.
13. High Five strangers on the way out! While announcing, "I'm outta here".
14. Get into designated drivers back seat and feel free to fall asleep until next week.
15. Success!

Tips & Warnings

• Hit on chicks, they love you.
• Tell the bartenders you like their mouths.
• Let security know you are an ultimate fighter.
• Avoid cameras
• Wear shoes
• DO NOT EVER DRINK AND DRIVE
• Do not drink underage
• Be responsible and understand this is a joke, never let yourself become out of control.