How to Split Up Chores in Your Marriage

One of the secrets of happy couples is the ability to divvy up household chores fairly. Tasks such as cleaning, cooking, and cutting the lawn are required for daily life, so having a plan in place will not only help you both relax easier but also make your living environment a calm and peaceful place. Here are some tips on how to split the workload without argument and negativity.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

1. Write down the actions required to maintain the house. Include both the daily tasks and the occasional. Sure, the grass only needs to be cut once every other week, and the driveway only needs plowing during the occasional snowstorm, but jot these down along with things like cooking and dusting. Include items that require running the household, such as bill paying and keeping the family event calendar. This activity isn’t meant to carve your duties in stone; it’s merely a way to determine your overall workload.
2. Discuss what a clean house means to each of you. Arguments sometimes begin because one person thinks the house is picked up while the other sees several items out of place. One spouse’s idea of a peaceful environment may not be the other spouses. Make compromises whenever possible. Remember, learning to live together means reaching a mutually agreeable middle ground.
3. Once you have your task list complete, take a look at things logically. If one of you dislikes snowplowing, while the other can’t stand the thought of putting a toilet brush to work, you may have some easy options to start with the dividing of tasks. However, even if one of you takes on a specific duty, the other must acknowledge that there may be times when they’ll be required to perform the task as well. For example, if one person breaks a leg, the other will have to do laundry for a while. If one person suddenly has to work on Saturdays, the other will have to tidy up the house. The purpose of dividing tasks is to make your household flow more smoothly, not to pass off duties you don’t feel like doing.
4. Take your responsibility without resentment. Once you decide what the household tasks are, do them cheerfully. Don’t agree to do laundry and then complain every time it needs to be done. If you find that the household tasks are suddenly vastly unequal, talk about it calmly with your partner.
5. Reassess your duties as life goes on. You may start out both working full time, and thus divvy up your tasks a certain way. As a marriage progresses, however, many things change. Children come along, people go back to college, start up a business, and become sick. The time and ability to perform certain household tasks may be altered. Go with the changes willingly, and accept them as part of life.
6. Don’t get caught in the gender trap. Some people resist having to do certain tasks because they are traditionally done by the other sex, while others resist doing things because they feel stereotyped. Get away from this thinking. There are going to be tasks that women are naturally better at, or things that generally are performed by men. God made us differently for a reason, and that is to help each other. However, it doesn’t mean that because women generally see dirt in the bathroom when men don’t that the husband can’t clean the toilet or put away the laundry. Acknowledge that you are both made differently and that it means you’re a stronger team because of it.
7. Designate a specific time to do chores. When you both know you’ll be spending four hours every Saturday doing housework of some type, it motivates you to act as a team in order to get things accomplished. When you both acknowledge that cleaning up after dinner comes before television, it will motivate you both to help each other. Change your mindset from “his duty” or “her task” to “our to do list." It will help you both see that you’re equally responsible for keeping your house in order.