How to Stop Feeling Shame After Childhood Abuse

Shame is a hallmark of childhood abuse. Most adult survivors of childhood abuse struggle with feelings of shame. Shame causes abuse survivors to loathe themselves and feel unworthy of receiving kindness or compassion from anyone. The adult survivor of childhood abuse fuels his feelings of shame by viewing himself through his abuser's eyes. Instead of seeing himself as a precious diamond, he sees nothing but a pile of manure. Here is how to stop feeling shame.

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• Strong desire to heal
• Patience

1. Ban all negative internal dialogue. Stop telling yourself that you are worthless. Make a conscious choice to stop these internal messages, no matter how much you believe them.

2. Spend time around children who are the age you were when the abuse started. Observe their innocence and vulnerability. Ask yourself how "guilty" a child of that age could really be.

3. Stop judging your childhood actions through adult eyes. A child who believes in Santa Claus will also believe that an abuser has the power to do anything he wants. Cut yourself some slack for the choices you made in childhood, such as choosing not to tell anyone about the abuse. Instead, find compassion for the hurting child you were.

4. Give yourself permission to make mistakes. It is through our mistakes that we learn life's lessons. Instead of telling yourself that you were "stupid" to make a mistake, focus on the lessons you learned and how you will do things differently in the future.

5. View yourself as your beloved child. If you would not let a person say or do something to a beloved child, then do not say or do those things to yourself.

6. Do nice things for yourself. Participate in hobbies. Do things to make your life more enjoyable. As you do nice things for yourself, you will start to believe that you deserve to enjoy life.

7. Repeat these steps until the shame is gone.

Tips & Warnings

• Unloading the shame is a process that can take a long time. Be patient with yourself, celebrating each mini-step toward releasing the shame.
• You are precious just the way you are, and you deserve to be loved just as much as anyone else does.
• Finding a qualified therapist with experience in counseling people with your abuse history is an important part of healing from childhood abuse. Your therapist can provide you with additional tools for letting go of the shame.

[wendys-msw]

on 10/1/2009 And I will second that. Thank you for your thoughtful words.

[madhattermx]

on 6/4/2008 beautiful. thank you.