How to Deal With a Loud Boyfriend

When your friend's words are too loud to handle, these suggestions may help bring the volume down to a level you can appreciate.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Things You’ll Need:

• Patience
• A sense of humor
• Willingness to experiment
• Genuine concern for the individual

1. Pay attention to when the volume gets too loud. Is it always loud or does it vary? If your friend always talks loudly, it may be due to hearing problems.
   
   If the volume is loud only occasionally, it may be due to emotion. Some people get very loud when excited, happy, or angry. Additionally, sometimes there are psychological reasons, such as feeling ignored or under appreciated that can make people talk loudly to feel like they are noticed and being heard.
   
   If the problem just started, a cold, sinus infection, or wax buildup in the ear may be the culprit.
2. Once the cause of the loudness is determined, let your friend know your observations at a time when you are both relaxed. Say something like, "I have noticed that your voice is loud . . . (all the time, sometimes, recently). It seems to be because . . . (you have trouble hearing, you are excited, etc.). What do you think?" This should open up a discussion on your friend's personal observations.
3. Listen carefully and gently ask questions so that you both can understand the potential dynamics involved.
4. Once you have an understanding of the underlying problem, ask if there are any potential solutions that he or she would consider. Explore those suggestions and then share and explore any ideas that you have, such as having a hearing exam, developing a signal to communicate the need to lower volume level, become more mindful of the body language of others (wincing, grimacing, moving backward, etc.), therapy for psychological issues, etc.
5. End by asking how you can help and letting your friend know that you are there for them.

Tips & Warnings

• Remain calm throughout this process to facilitate communication.