How to Make a Railcar Without Welding, Hammering or Breaking a Sweat!

I noticed that a top-requested article on eHow was How to Make Your Own Railcar. Because I'm seeking eHow fame and fortune, I asked an old-timer friend at my neighborhood dog park how *he* would build his own railcar. He told me how, and it doesn't take any tools! Read on to learn what you should NEVER do...

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Things You’ll Need:

• An old pickup
• Or any American-made car
• An unhealthy dose of stupidity

1. My friend told me that all it takes to make your own railcar is a pickup or other car with a wheel base the same width as the tracks. (Do I have to state that this is super dangerous and illegal? Just use your imagination to visualize how this would be done.)
   
   The first step is to drive the pickup onto the tracks, aligning all four tires with the rails.
2. Next, you let some air out of each of the tires, so that each tire droops over the tracks.
3. Get in and press down the gas pedal. You don't need to steer, because the deflated tires will follow the line of the tracks.
   
   I'd also add "buckle your seatbelt," but if you're stupid enough to try this yourself, as my friend did decades ago out in farm country in Georgia, a seatbelt isn't gonna help you. He never heard or saw a train while doing this, but he's the first to say: He's lucky to still be alive.

Tips & Warnings

• Railroads are private property, and it's dangerous and illegal to trespass on them.
• Don't ever try this procedure yourself!