-
Step 1
Acknowledge that you are out of balance. You could use a little machismo and if it's been awhile since you've been with a woman, you need that machismo immediately.
-
Step 2
Write a list of attributes you'd like to cultivate, and make sure nice is not one of them. Nice is not a compliment. Nice is a four-letter word. Instead of striving to be a nice person, strive to be a confident, passionate, steadfast, generous, observant, forthright, loving, strong, charismatic person.
-
Step 3
Get physical. Back away from your computer screen. Put down that joystick. Run, study martial arts, lift weights, build a house, ride a horse, play drums. These activities will help you get in touch with the raw, physical energy that is an essential element of a well-rounded man.
-
Step 4
Become a sexual creature. Nice guys often have an androgynous quality about them. They do nothing to fuel that sexual tension that makes relationships between men and women so layered and juicy. Learn to give good hugs. Take a dance class where you will be close to women. Flirt everyday. Get comfortable in your body and with yourself as a sexual creature.
-
Step 5
Just say no to women friends. Of course you don't need to get rid of your lady friends altogether, but if you aren't having as much romantic encounters as you'd like then you certainly don't need any more female friends. You need romantic interests. You need dates. The next time you meet a woman who strikes your fancy, don't try to be her friend first. Women rarely end up with their nice guy friends.
-
Step 6
Practice flirting every day.
-
Step 7
Cultivate deep interests. It goes without saying, a man with nothing going on will never getting it going on.
-
Step 8
Stand your ground. If you have an opinion, state it. If you are angry, show it. If you think she is acting ridiculous, call her on it. Contrary to what many nice guys might think, women are not looking for a man to indulge her every emotion. We want a man who is grounded, assertive and isn’t afraid to call us on our bullshit now and again.
-
Step 9
Seek input from women who make you hot. If you’re into a lady and she’s into some other guy, ask her what it is she likes about him. What does she find attractive? What is her standard type? Many nice guys take most of their clues about what women want from listening to women complain about men-they are too aggressive, are emotionally available, don’t call enough; instead of finding out what women like about the men they like.
-
Step 10
Choose a role model. Who are the men you admire? What men seem to have it all? Study all aspects of their personality and define what makes them a well-rounded man. What can you learn from them?
Comments
amandaford said
on 8/18/2009 Hi, toratoratora.
I appreciate your comments. And I must admit, after reading through this article again, I'm not sure it is helpful in the way I had intended it to be. I am sorry for that. I try to do my best with every article, but sometimes I fall short. I am human, after all. I am still learning and growing.
Both men and women experience societal pressures to live up to a stereotype ideal of what it means to be a successful, happy and "right" individual. Mostly those stereotypes are unhealthy. This article, I'm sorry to say, feeds into those stereotypes.
As far as your story. I know what a drain it can be both physically and emotionally to have an injury. It breaks my heart to hear that your spirit is diminished. I would say, however, that this is a natural feeling after an injury. Give yourself time. Be patient and kind with yourself as you heal.
Is there anything in life th...
toratoratora said
on 8/13/2009 Anyway, all BS aside. I have tried almost everything to re connect with my masculinity. Before my back injury I was a soldier,practiced martial arts, lifted weights,etc. I thought that these things would somehow
cure me of the "nice guy syndrome". After I got hurt, things began to revert back to when I was the guy the girls whose shoulder they would cry on. This is extremely frustrating. I lost my passsion. I've slowly began to heal the outside, but my spirit has diminished. No wise cracks and smart remarks please.
Not everyone is created the same. Some helpful advice would be appreciated. If not then oh well.
toratoratora said
on 8/13/2009 Anynomous you are just on here to start some stuff.
People are here to get some genuine help. If you cant say anything that is helpful, then you should just leave. I'd put it in more in laymans terms, but I seriously doubt that you could even comprehend that.
livingright said
on 7/21/2009 Okay I am a nice guy and I don't have a girl but I don't know in what way that is bad? I don't think having a gf is an achievement in any way. Why change yourself for a girl? Doesn't make sense. I have not come across a single male who is genuinely happy with a gf. Plus the end point is that you need to get settled with her and have her children. That will make your life miserable. I would rather sleep with a prostitute than have a full time girl. You pay money and get what you want.. why beat around the bush??
007optimus said
on 7/17/2009 Hello!
Your article was very informative and eye-opening. A former friend of mine gave me some advice not too different from what you have here. At the time, it stung because somewhere in my mind her advice made sense. Of course, I dismissed it due to pride. But, as I approach my 32nd year of life I begin to wonder where and how I lost much of my machismo. I study Pilates on a regular basis, and while it's a great form of exercise, I find myself uneasy when I'm in class. I want to be the type of guy who is appealing to those women as well as the ones who study martial arts like karate and taekwondo. I wish there were some sort of seminars or classes on machismo that I could take to help me get my manhood back. Do you think I still have a chance of curing myself of this strange syndrome? Thank you again for the article.