How to Cure Yourself of Nice-Guy Syndrome

If nice guys finish last and if jerks are ... well ... jerks, what's a good guy to do to get a girl? Often nice guys are thoughtful, compassionate men who reject (sometimes consciously, sometimes unconsciously) male stereotypes in hopes of becoming more well-rounded individuals. The problem is that nice guys have rejected too much of their own masculinity, placing themselves at the opposite extreme of the healthy man continuum. So how do men cure themselves of nice-guy syndrome? Here's how.

Difficulty: Moderate

Instructions

How to Cure Yourself of Nice-Guy Syndrome

1. Acknowledge that you are out of balance. You could use a little machismo and if it's been awhile since you've been with a woman, you need that machismo immediately.

2. Write a list of attributes you'd like to cultivate, and make sure nice is not one of them. Nice is not a compliment. Nice is a four-letter word. Instead of striving to be a nice person, strive to be a confident, passionate, steadfast, generous, observant, forthright, loving, strong, charismatic person.

3. Get physical. Back away from your computer screen. Put down that joystick. Run, study martial arts, lift weights, build a house, ride a horse, play drums. These activities will help you get in touch with the raw, physical energy that is an essential element of a well-rounded man.

4. Become a sexual creature. Nice guys often have an androgynous quality about them. They do nothing to fuel that sexual tension that makes relationships between men and women so layered and juicy. Learn to give good hugs. Take a dance class where you will be close to women. Flirt everyday. Get comfortable in your body and with yourself as a sexual creature.

5. Just say no to women friends. Of course you don't need to get rid of your lady friends altogether, but if you aren't having as much romantic encounters as you'd like then you certainly don't need any more female friends. You need romantic interests. You need dates. The next time you meet a woman who strikes your fancy, don't try to be her friend first. Women rarely end up with their nice guy friends.

6. Practice flirting every day.

7. Cultivate deep interests. It goes without saying, a man with nothing going on will never getting it going on.

8. Stand your ground. If you have an opinion, state it. If you are angry, show it. If you think she is acting ridiculous, call her on it. Contrary to what many nice guys might think, women are not looking for a man to indulge her every emotion. We want a man who is grounded, assertive and isn’t afraid to call us on our bullshit now and again.

9. Seek input from women who make you hot. If you’re into a lady and she’s into some other guy, ask her what it is she likes about him. What does she find attractive? What is her standard type? Many nice guys take most of their clues about what women want from listening to women complain about men-they are too aggressive, are emotionally available, don’t call enough; instead of finding out what women like about the men they like.

10. Choose a role model. Who are the men you admire? What men seem to have it all? Study all aspects of their personality and define what makes them a well-rounded man. What can you learn from them?

[nomoremrniceguy]

on 2/11/2009 WWW.NOMOREMRNICEGUY.COM It will change your life!!

[Anynomous]

on 11/21/2008 Give up, Bad Guys are in, Nice guys out!!! Stick your
Head under the sand!!!

[Anynomous]

on 11/21/2008 I don't see how it will happen for me, I would rather
Kill myself first.

[amandaford]

on 11/9/2008 Hi, New York Guy.

Thanks for your comment and your question. No, I am not suggesting that you head to a strip club or hire hooker. I'm simply saying to acknowledge the fact that you have allowed that manly-man part of yourself to be stifled. Acknowledgment is the first step in changing behavior.

It was not my hope with this article to endorse a stereotypical frat boy or caveman view on manhood, rather to help men who feel like the aren't having as much success with women because they have been "too nice" regain some balance. I think that to be a man in America today requires an ability to embrace all kinds of contradictory pulls. It doesn't mean diving off the deep end in one direction or another.

In retrospect I realize that I was being hyperbolic by saying you need machismo immediately. You don't need it immediately, but you do need to start bringing yourself back into balance

[NewYorkGuy]

on 11/9/2008 Ms. Ford

I would like to thank you for your article. I am a single 46 year-old single man who has never been in a serious relationship. I have always been seen as a nice guy. I liked your article but I am a bit confused by your first step. You stated that a man needs machsimo immediately. Are you saying that if a man hasn't been with a woman, he should go to a strip bar or get a hooker to have an experience with a woman?