How to Get Along Without a Cell Phone

In this day and age, when even most little kids own cell phones, those of us who don't are looked down upon (as if it's a big deal having a cell phone!). Whether you're cell phone-less for deeply-held philosophical reasons or because you can't afford one doesn't matter. Most people will still regard you as a lower life form upon discovering you don't own a "leash" like them. This need not be a problem. Make them think you have one and that you're part of their stupid cell phone fraternity. All you have to do is fake it.

Instructions

Difficulty: Easy

Things You’ll Need:

• A toy cell phone

1. Buy a toy cell phone. Most of them cost about a buck and some are filled with candy!
2. When you need to make a call, pretend to be exasperated with your fake cell phone, then ask passersby if you can use theirs. Say "My battery died" or "Dropped again!" or "Don't ever get a phone from (insert provider)" to help create that warm, "I've-been-there-before" good will between you and the people who lend you their phones.
3. When people hand you their phones, thank them, shake your head and say, "I can't believe this! I'm lost without my cell phone."
   
   This step is unnecessary if it's a little kid who's lending you a phone. Who cares what a little kid thinks!
4. Make your call.

Tips & Warnings

• If you can't afford a toy cell phone, use something else that resembles a cell phone, such as a small remote control device or painted block of wood.
• If you've never used a cell phone, visit a dealer and pretend you're interested in buying one. Have the sales person explain how they work, then tell him or her that you're going to "check around" some more. Armed with your new cell phone knowledge, you won't appear to be a novice cell phone user when you borrow one from a stranger.