How to Get Over Someone

Getting over a relationship takes some time.

Even for the most toxic of relationships that needed to end, breakups are difficult and emotionally taxing. When you put a lot into a relationship, and your dreams, hopes and aspirations come crashing to the ground, it is not easy to kiss the past goodbye. Get over an ex and move on, with clarity, peace of mind and common sense.

Difficulty:

Moderately Challenging

Instructions

Things You'll Need

• A garbage can, delete and erase buttons, good friends to lean on, restraint

1. Avoid contact with your ex. Until you are mentally strong enough to know that you are over the relationship, do not see your old partner. The only things that contact will accomplish are stirring up old feelings and reopening wounds, making the healing process take longer. If you find a jacket in your apartment that belongs to him, send it to him through the mail. Do not drop it off at his home in person.

2. Come to terms with your feelings. You may experience waves of relief and nostalgia one moment, and sadness and anger the next. If you suppress these intense feelings, they will resurface later. Get over your ex by acknowledging and accepting exactly what you are feeling. Take a quick break from the world for a couple of days to face your emotions and let go. Cry, cuddle a stuffed animal for comfort, listen to sad music if it helps. Get all of your deepest emotions out so you can get on the other side of them and be strong enough to pick up the pieces and move on -- healthily.

3. Go out. One easy way to quickly get over someone is to realize that the world is a vast place. Now that you are single, you are free to mingle. Go out dancing at the new lounge downtown. Take up a thrilling new activity, whether it is jet-skiing or running. The more you do, the more you increase your chances of meeting new people and encountering exciting experiences in life.

4. Pour your heart out. Use your breakup as a chance to strengthen your friendships. Connect with your friends over your heartbreak. Chances are, your pals probably have a few stories about getting over a relationship they can throw your way, too. Bond, cry and laugh over relationships and the joy and sorrow they bring.

5. Laugh at what is going on. Getting through life is all about having the ability to look at things and laugh. No matter how hurt you are, try to keep your sense of humor. Laughter has many benefits, and relaxation is one of them. If you have the ability to laugh at your life, then you are already halfway toward your goal to getting over your ex.

6. Ask yourself what you may have done to contribute to the failure of the relationship. It is always easy just to point fingers and say "My ex was a chauvinistic jerk." However, relationships are never one-sided. To learn from the experience, figure out what your role was. Maybe you were emotionally unavailable. Perhaps you were too possessive and jealous. Maybe you simply picked the wrong person for your personality. The better grasp you have of what truly transpired, the better equipped you will be to analyze the relationship objectively and move on to a brighter future.

7. Focus on tomorrow. You have the rest of your life to enjoy and to find a loving, supportive and fulfilling relationship. Accept that the relationship simply was not meant to be -- and that is 100 percent okay. Life is all about learning from mistakes and moving forward.

Tips & Warnings

• If you always hold out hope that you will get back with your ex, then you will never be able to get over the relationship. Put a period on the situation by admitting to yourself that the relationship is entirely in the past.

References

• "Psychology Today"; How to Get Through a Breakup; Gerry Heisler; May 2011
• iVillage UK; Steps for Moving On After a Breakup; Caro Handley
• Help Guide: Coping With a Breakup or Divorce
• Cosmopolitan; How to Get Over Him; Erin Torneo
• eHarmony Advice: 5 Methods for Getting Over Your Ex