How to Be in the Apathetic Political Party

Everyone has a political leaning: Liberal, Republican, Atheist, Steven Colbert. But where's the political party for those of us who just don't care about politics? Where is the President who cares about our needs as Apathetic people? Most of us are apathetic because we just don't care about most political issues, knowing they are just going to be decided on by a group of people we didn't voted for (or care about) in the first place. Here's how to care about not caring.

Instructions

Difficulty: Challenging

Things You’ll Need:

• To not care about politics.
• Bush, Carey, Gore, Perot...it doesn't matter to you.
• Another Beer

1. Apathetic people don't need to worry about politics. Worry about the more important things, like lowering the price of beer and increasing the weekend from two days to three. You know, the real issues.
2. Taxes: Everyone wants to lower taxes or will at least lie and say they want too. This isn't even a real issue anymore.
3. Your foreign policy consists of instant noodles, running shoes and that little Thai food place on the corner you love going too. Occasionally, drink Canadian and Mexican beer to keep relations friendly with the neighbors.
4. "Did you watch that awesome debate Democratic debate last night?"
   
   No, I had no spoon around to gouge my eyes out with, so I was unable to watch.
5. Medicare? Whatever. Worry about it when you're older. If you are old, put everything on your credit card. You won't be around long enough to pay it all off, anyway.
6. Whoever is in office doesn't really matter. They're all qualified and have to deal with a whole slew of advisers before making a final decision. It's the same process: evaluate the situation and do what's best. No matter what party is there, a similar decision is going to be the result.
   
   Democrat, Republican, Green or Redneck, they're all trying to help the people, so why label yourself and get involved? You're American, and that's all that matters.
7. If the Army is half as good as you are at first person shooter games, then the country is safe from all zombie related attacks.
8. You deal with enough politics at work and day to day life. There's no need to worry about the political problems the people in Washington have.
9. "Steven Colbert for President!"
   
   No! What am I going to watch at 11:30 now?
10. The symbol for this party will be a man on the couch, watching TV and drinking a beer, just as God (or whatever you believe in) intended it. This man will possess donkey and elephant wrestling skills that are unmatched by any man or beast.

Tips & Warnings

• The State of the Union Address is just a positive spin on all world events that put the President in the good graces of the American Public. Watch an animal show instead. Learning about the violent nature of the hippopotamus is much more educational than hearing people clap about money and minor issues for 3 hours.
• Don't tell your friend who's a Political Science major