How to Annoy Your Wanna-Be DJ Neighbor

He really wants to be a professional DJ. He really wants to spin the coolest tunes and get the crowd dancing. He really wants to throw the best parties in town. And you really want to get some sleep because it is 3AM on a Wednesday. It isn’t the first time this has happened and you know this will not be the last. When calling the cops once doesn’t do the trick, follow these steps.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderate

Things You’ll Need:

• Phone
• Internet access
• Your neighbor’s phone number and address

1. Every time a party begins with a microphoned, “Yo-Yo-Yo! S’up, dawgs?!” you know it’s going to be a long night. Instead of giving your neighbor the benefit of the doubt that the party will end at a reasonable hour, call the police a few minutes after the noise ordinance is in effect. This will save you from having to call at 3AM.
2. If you know the neighbor’s address, begin posting their address on community websites under the garage sale section. Claim that you are getting rid of your turntable, speakers, mixing board, all of your DJ accessories.
   When you do, also add that doors open at 6AM, so show up early!
3. Get your neighbor’s phone number. Using an anonymous email account (create one for free on any search engine), begin posting that you are offering ‘erotic services’ and list your neighbor’s number. Include the note: “If I don’t answer, leave your name and number and nastiest message.”
4. If you know ahead of time that a party is going to take place, an anonymous tip to the police can help. By giving the cops a “head’s up” that some bad blood exists at the party and that shootings are inevitable, this will help insure that you get a good night’s rest and some homemade entertainment.

Tips & Warnings

• Be stealthy about your war on your neighbor.