How to Communicate with Your Spouse

Stop Talking and Listen

It isn't always easy to connect with your spouse. You both have your own ideas and methods for handling conflicts. Yet, there are ways for spouses to reach a middle ground. All it takes is a little communication.

Difficulty:

Moderate

Instructions

1. Give spouse your undivided attention. It is hard to heed your spouse's concerns with the television or radio playing in the background. Talk to your spouse and give them your full attention. In other words, put down the newspaper, turn-off the television or stop any other activities that break your concentration.

2. Listen. Make a vow to listen without interrupting your spouse. We are instinctively defensive. Thus, it is natural to interrupt any verbal attacks or complaints against us and defend our actions. However, everyone makes mistakes, and your spouse's criticism can be valid. Allow them to complete their entire thought, listen with an open mind and then respond.

3. Talk privately. Try and avoid distractions. It is difficult to communicate with children, relatives or friends around. Plus, other persons may be inclined to include their opinions. Choose a quiet and isolated location, perhaps your bedroom. Couples might also choose to leave the home and go for a walk or private drive to settle disputes.

4. Maintain eye contact. Respect your spouse's feelings and concerns and give them good eye contact. Looking up at the ceiling or off to the side may give the impression that you are uninterested in their thoughts, which can spark anger.

5. Be honest. Communication fails when spouses aren't open and honest with each other. Rather than tell the other person what you think they want to hear, candidly express your likes and dislikes, and resolve to keep the relationship strong.

6. Ask for clarification. If you don't fully understand your spouse's point of view, ask for further explanations. Put yourself in their shoes. How would you respond in their situation? Often times, this exercise can help spouses to better understand each other's moods and feelings.

7. Make time for each other. Work, household chores and the kids can zap our time, and make it hard to spend quality time with our spouses. To keep the lines of communication open, always make time for each other. Arrange weekly or bi-weekly date nights, and schedule in at least 30-minutes of interrupted couples-time each day.