How to Win an Argument with a Wife

The easiest way for a husband to end an argument with his wife is to agree with her. But caving in to an argument doesn’t constitute winning it. If you do your homework, victory could be yours against all your wife’s arguments, ranging from why you don’t need a new puppy to why your dusty college beer keg should remain in the garage.

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• Quick thinking
• Open mind
• An arsenal of facts

1. Talk reality. Something may sound glorious in theory but remind her of the burdens of the decision. “If we get a new puppy, are you going to walk it? Clean up after it? Teach it not to pee on the Oriental rug?”

2. Prepare counterpoints. When she tells you studies have shown couples with puppies bond better, tell her about the other studies that show those couples also need to spend $2,862 per year to replace chewed shoes.

3. Compromise. Wives will rarely walk away without some kind of victory, so trade a greater evil for a lesser one. Agree to the puppy if it means your beer keg is eternally safe in the garage. Or get rid of the beer keg if it means no puppy.

Tips & Warnings

• Get the compromise in writing. That way the beer keg argument, or whatever you traded, never has to come up again.
• Listen. Keep an open ear, and mind, listening to everything your wife has to say before rendering your opinion.
• Compliment her on her strategic argument tactics and the time she spent compiling them but don’t give in.
• Don’t get whiny.
• Don’t yell.
• Beware of the comparisons, where she’ll bring up another couple who, say, got a new puppy and are having the happiest marriage on the block.
• Don’t fall prey to her begging with innocent eyes or the promise of sex. Either could easily be your downfall.

[Bobchou]

on 10/28/2007 Just slap her round a bit and nibble on her nipples