Difficulty: Moderately Challenging
Step1
Open your newspaper to the Obituaries section.
Step2
Make a list of the bereaved people you think you might stand a chance with.
Step3
Write down where and when the calling hours take place.
Step4
Wear clothing that you think will make you appealing to your prospective spouse. Keep in mind the bereaved’s age and social status.
Step5
Try to make some brief conversation with the widow/widower during calling hours, making sure to let him/her understand that you didn’t know the deceased well but that you liked him/her very, very much.
Step6
Put in an appearance at the funeral, once again remembering to “dress for success.”
Step7
Bring your casserole to the wake.
Step8
Help with the cleanup afterwards.
Step9
Discretely leave your phone number.
Step10
Discretely leave the casserole dish.
Step11
Wait for the call.
Enthusiast 
Comments
rhandt said
on 1/22/2008 Thanks, Ellie. I guess some people think "getting a life" includes reading articles on how to find a spouse in the newspaper. I like your articles, too, Ellie.
Thanks, again.
Elitchka said
on 12/7/2007 I think, that eHow will only win, if they make such a humor category. Thank you for this article.
Elitchka said
on 12/7/2007 I like your humour. I understand. Don't pay attention to the Wickedwestwitch: she is very mean with people. Yes, I totally agree, that there is no category where to write humorous articles.
wikedwestwitch said
on 12/3/2007 Perhaps 'humorous', but in pathetically poor taste! I truly hope you 'get a life' beyond what your apparent imagination affords you via this article/entry.
rhandt said
on 10/24/2007 Hi Katiedid,
The How To "Find a Spouse in the Newspaper" was meant to be humorous. I looked for a "humor" category but there was none. Thanks for reading and responding though!
Rick Ferris