How to Get A Woman Into Your Bed

Single women operate under the assumption that a single man's house or apartment is a disaster area desperately in need of a woman's touch - if not a maid. When she comes over to visit, she's looking for three things: a refrigerator with more than beer and condiments in it, a bathroom she could actually use, and a bed she can feel comfortable sleeping in. Well food can be ordered and it wouldn't be her first time using a sub-standard bathroom, she'll never sleep in a busted bed. A woman's bed is a clean, soft, fluffy piece of heaven where her stuffed animals comfort her and angels sing her to sleep at night. So if you want her to forsake the feathers and frills of her bed, you've got to do something special with yours.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Things You’ll Need:

• A bed (no smaller than full sized)
• Four standard pillows
• Two Euro-sized pillows (with shams)
• Two flat sheets, two fitted sheets, two pillow shams (matching, at least 220 thread count)
• One duvet, two pillow shams (matching)
• One down comforter
• One throw blanket (cashmere, fleece, or vellux)
• One bedskirt
• Throw pillows

1. Remove the mattress and place the bedskirt over the boxspring
2. Replace the mattress and put on the fitted sheet. Add the flat sheet with the exposed stitches of the top hem facing up, then tuck it under the mattress.
3. Slide the down comforter into the duvet and button it up. Lay the comforter on the bed so the corners at the foot of the bed hide the sheets completely.
4. Place the four standard pillows the two Euro-sized pillows in their shams.
   
   Arrange the Euros against the headboard, then lay the two pillows whose shams match the sheets end-to-end in front of them.
   
   Next, lay the pillows whose shams match the duvet in front of the other pillows, then neatly arrange the throw pillows.
5. Lay the throw blanket diagonally across the bed, making sure the corners don't touch the floor.
6. Now you have a bed that says, "I'm comfortable, don't you want to try me?"
   
   The most important thing you can do at this point is get in the habit of making your bed when you get out of it every morning.
   
   Of course you'll make it when you know you have a female guest coming over, but what if you have an unexpected stop-by? After going through the effort of transforming your bed, imagine how frustrated you'll be if it's not made up properly when it really counts.

Tips & Warnings

• Many stores and online retailers offer the "bed in a bag" which contains most of the items you'll need
• Down is preferable, but alternatives are available for those who are allergic
• Wash and rotate the sheets and pillow shams weekly
• The bedskirt is unnecessary for futon beds
• Once she gets into your new bed, be prepared for her to never want to leave it. Have clean boxers and t-shirts ready for her to change into. And think about what she's going to want for breakfast