How to Have an Argument

The more time people spend together, the more the likelihood that they’ll have an argument at some point. It’s natural for people to disagree from time to time, but it doesn’t have to mean an end to friendship or tension going forward. By following these guidelines, you can still get your point across while maintaining respect for the other person.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Things You’ll Need:

• Patience
• Time
• Non-public Space

1. State your case clearly and be specific. Do not use universal statements such as “you always do this” or “this happens every time.” Describe specific instances and how you felt when it occurred. Sometimes people are simply unaware of how their actions and thoughts sound.
2. No personal attacks. You might not feel so great about the person while arguing, but don’t fall into the temptation of calling them names or being purposely hurtful. Doing so will not only cause more friction, it will create lasting negativity that you may not be able to correct.
3. Pick an appropriate place. Don’t argue in public or when the two of you don’t have the time to hash things out. There really is a time and place for things, and if you try to “get the upper hand” by surprising your friend, you are doing your friendship a disservice. Give your argument the privacy it needs to be respectful while at the same time providing enough time to come to a resolution.
4. Think ahead of what you want the end of the argument to look like. Do you want this person to remain in your life? Are you asking them to take some time to change before coming back to you? There is a difference between talking about a small irritation compared to a lifelong issue. If someone has deeply hurt you and it’s gone on for years, tell them how you expect them to behave going forward. Know that sometimes the other person will not see things from your point of view, and may need time to adjust to what you’re saying.
5. If the person apologizes and says they’ll work on it, give them some time to do so. This can be difficult but worth the effort. If the offending behavior continues, remind them straightforwardly and honestly, once again keeping your anger in check and pointing out specific behaviors. Most of all, don’t bring up old arguments when and if the two of you should end up arguing again. Focus on the present so you can both come to a happy resolution.

Tips & Warnings

• Focus on the action, rather than the character flaw
• Bring up specific events rather than generalities