How to Discuss Becoming an Egg Donor With a Spouse

If you're married and would like to become an egg donor, the first person you should consult is your spouse. This conversation, if improperly handled, can be downright threatening to your partner. Consider how you'll approach the subject before broaching it.

Instructions

Difficulty: Challenging

1. Make up your own mind. Before burdening your spouse with such a heavy subject, make sure that this is what you truly want. Research the subject and understand what it entails, including the costs and health risks.
2. Select a time where both you and your spouse will not be burdened with the worries of the day. Remove any distractions so that you can focus on each other.
3. Be honest about your feelings and your motives. Reveal why you would like to be an egg donor. Perhaps you want the money it pays or maybe you want to help someone start a family. Whatever the reason, lead your half of the conversation with that: "My sister wants a baby in the worst way and I was thinking about donating an egg to her."
4. Allow your spouse to process the information. Allow for any reaction, from shock to anger to nervous laughter. Wait until the intial reaction subsides before presenting your thoughts. If the reaction is extreme, put the conversation on hold and invite another discussion at a later time.
5. Explain your point of view once you're both ready for a reasoned discussion. This is the time to impart what you have learned with your research. Offer to take him to a clinic which removes eggs for donorship so he can learn more about the process. Stress the idea that this will be a joint decision, that you haven't made up your mind and that you welcome his input. If it suits you, you can make it clear that you won't proceed unless both of you agree that it's right.
6. Reach a resolution. You're an independent individual and don't need anyone's permission to proceed, but weigh the impact your decision will have on your relationship if there is disagreement. If your spouse resists the notion, you may not like it, but try to find empathy. Imagine how you would feel if he wanted to donate sperm to someone and you were against it. Ask yourself how you would want him to react. Give him the same leeway.