How to Have Sex in the Office Supply Closet

Nothing is quite as much fun in the middle of a long, boring workday than a little bit of sex with your secret office lover. However, you may not know where to go to have sex during the day. There are several potentially useful locations in any given office building. Among these, the supply closet is a classic and is one of the first places you should investigate.

Instructions

Difficulty: Easy

Things You’ll Need:

• Coat or other loose piece of clothing
• Soundproofing materials, such as plastic tarp
• Supply closet

1. Scout for an appropriate supply closet. Most large offices have more than one. Find a closet that's big enough to move around in comfortably and far enough away from the general working area so that no one will hear what you're doing in it.
2. Lock the door from the inside. You never know who is going to need something from the office supply closet. After all, that's where the copy paper, staples and paper clips are kept.
3. Clear some space. The office supply closet is likely to be packed with a variety of things, some of which may be stacked in boxes on the floor. Push anything that's in your way off to the side, preferably next to the walls. You can put smaller items up on shelves, if there's room.
4. Spread a coat, jacket or shawl out on the floor. A supply closet floor is a dusty place. You don't want to lie down directly on it. If you don't have an appropriate (and washable) article of clothing, use a blanket, tablecloth or even multiple sheets of copy paper instead. Better yet, have sex standing up against the door or wall.
5. Cover up any openings to the closet, such as a grate in the door, a small window or a large gap between the floor and the bottom of the door. Sound can travel through such openings, and that is something you want to avoid. Use whatever is on hand to do this, such as stray articles of clothing, rag mops or a plastic tarp.
6. Bite your lip, or do whatever else you have to do to keep from making too much noise. Even with your makeshift soundproofing, anyone in the vicinity of the supply closet is still going to hear it if you scream or moan too loudly. That sort of noise will be difficult to explain.