How to Have to Have Sex on the Office Desk

The fantasy of the clandestine office romance can be very compelling. Nothing demonstrates workplace passion quite like the image of a man pulling a woman to him with one arm while sweeping everything off his desk with the other. Once the desk is clear, the lovers have a perfect place to indulge their desires. It's an alluring fantasy, and fortunately, one that can easily be made into reality by the enterprising couple.

Instructions

Difficulty: Easy

Things You’ll Need:

• Private location
• Pillow (optional)
• CD of soft music

Indulge Your Workplace Passions by Having Sex on an Office Desk

1. Lock your office door before starting any sort of sexual activity. Even if you have a "knock first" policy, you can never be too careful.
2. Close all your blinds and cover up any windows into your office. Even if all your windows are to the outside and your office is on the thirty-second floor, you never know who might be able to see you. The window washer, the Channel 13 news traffic helicopter pilot or the creep with the binoculars in the building across the street may be watching.
3. Clear everything off the surface of the desk. You're most likely not going to enjoy having sex on top of the stapler or the page-a-day calendar.
4. Have sex in an upright position. An office desk is very hard and unyielding. If you're having sex horizontally, this makes it hard on the back and hipbones of whoever is on the bottom. Instead, have one partner sit on the edge or middle of the desk while the other partner straddles that person. This will make the whole thing a much more pleasant experience for both of you.
5. Create ambient noise. You can accomplish this by turning up the air conditioning, playing a CD of soft music or turning on a television or radio. The ambient noise will help mask whatever noises the two of you are making.

Tips & Warnings

• If you're not agile enough to have sex sitting up on a desk, plan ahead and bring a pillow to work with you. Putting the pillow on top of the desk will create a much softer surface that's less likely to cause injury to either one of you.
• No matter how much ambient noise you make, nothing is going to cover up the sound of passionate screaming. Thus, you should both avoid crying out while in the throes of passion, even if the sex is simply mind-blowing. Otherwise, you're going to have some very awkward explaining to do to your co-workers.