How to Deal With an Estranged Family Member at Family Gatherings
Family gatherings and holidays can be stressful enough when they go without a hitch. Add in an estranged family member, and the tension gets kicked up a notch. You may be the person who decided to send the invitation, taking the first step towards mending bridges. You may be a family member with no intention of taking that step. Either way, a few tips can help ensure the family get-together doesn't fall apart at the seams.
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Instructions
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Stay positive. Whether your instinct is to go over the top and make him feel welcome, or freeze him out so he never returns, finding a middle ground is best. When he arrives, make it a point to greet him. Be civil throughout the gathering. Think of something positive to say, or a past story involving the person that is funny or puts him in a positive light. When you find yourself standing with the estranged family member with nothing to say, or if things begin to get tense, share that upbeat memory.
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Keep an open mind. You may or may not know why the family member is estranged. The important part is to lay aside judgment. Keep in mind it isn't a matter of who is right or wrong, but accepting we all have our opinions and respecting our differences. When finding yourself in a group where there is gossip about the family member, avoid joining in the conversation. Do not feed the negativity, whether you believe what is said or not.
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Avoid old issues. No matter how you feel, do not rehash the past. A family gathering is not the appropriate time. If the issue gets brought up and tension mounts, or if you feel yourself getting angry, take deep breaths and remain calm. Try to switch the subject. If deep breathing and switching the subject aren't working, simply walk away. Say you need to go to the bathroom or get another beverage, using any reason to end the conversation without it turning into a screaming match.
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Protect your well-being. If safety is a concern or issue, do not be alone with the family member. Do not let your children be alone with him either. For older kids, try voicing your concerns ahead of time. With younger children, be vigilant. If the estranged family member takes personal offense, do not engage him. Just walk away.
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Comments
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This article is weird. "Do not let your children be alone with a previously estranged family member" Why not? You make it sound like estrangement was a result of child molestation. Estrangement is a result of all sorts of things - usually not something that would be dangerous for a child.
