How to Deal With an Estranged Family Member at Family Gatherings

Seeing estranged relatives can be very difficult; here are some tips to getting through it unscathed.

Difficulty: Moderate

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• restraint
• patience

1. Who is the Bad Guy: While there was likely a reason the relative has been estranged, at a family reunion typically is not the time to bring out all your old dirty laundry. Everyone else who has come to this affair has come together for some reason; likely to have a good time and catch up with people they haven’t seen for a while. So one way to diffuse the situation is to just be kind; a party is neither the time nor the place for you or the estranged to be holding a grudge. All the guests who are aware of the estranged will be watching the family members closely for cues on how to act around the estranged; if you and the rest of the family are just gracious, everyone else will be put at ease.

2. Reintroduce Yourself: While there are plenty of reasons you could probably go and chew the ear off of the estranged relative, a much more progressive approach would be to go over and see how they have been. Ask where they are living, working, what they have been up to, and who they are dating, living with, married to. It will at first be very awkward but the ruse here is that when you are nice to them and they open up to you, before you know it the event has ended and you have appeared to be as nice as pie and the estranged will be left feeling pretty low; which will either make them come back and apologize and fess up in a more appropriate setting or dive back into seclusion again. In either event you are not the bad guy.

3. Remember the Situation: Whether it is a family reunion, wedding or funeral, there is a much bigger reason for you all getting together and there is a reason that the estranged are present; there is a reason that the estranged feel entitled to be there; and you should bear that in mind when you are remembering your last interaction with the estranged and how you told yourself that you were just going to deck him the next time you saw him. Yeah, that is not a really good idea at your nephews briss.

[Elitchka]

on 11/29/2007 Another brilliant and funny article! When will you write a book? Now we are two laughing here: my husband laughed a lot too. Great article! Very good advices too. The way you represent the information is hilarious! Thank you from both of us.:)