How to Deal With an Estranged Sibling at Family Gatherings
Dysfunction is often experienced in families, and sometimes it can lead to estrangement of a family member. If hurt has been experienced in some way by your brother or sister, your sibling chose to deal with it by running from the situation. This has no doubt put a strain on family relations -- so when your sibling comes back for a family gathering, the tension can be quite a lot to deal with. You'll want to be careful to not press the same buttons that may have caused your sibling to walk away.
- Difficulty:
- Moderately Easy
Instructions
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Try to look at your sibling as a human being who has made mistakes like anyone else -- who is growing and learning the same as you. Try to focus on his humanness rather than the situation that created the estrangement.
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Be sensitive to the fact that your sibling might feel out of place at the family gathering. Try not to discuss the situation that caused the estrangement, but instead focus on how happy you are to see your sibling again. At the family gathering, welcome your sibling with respect. That does not mean you have to falsely gush over your sibling, but just say that you are glad he or she came to the event.
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Forgive your sibling. That does not mean that you agree with what he or she may have done, but it does mean that you have decided not to hold onto it anymore. There is true freedom in forgiving. It lets you experience your sibling for who he or she is in the present.
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Tips & Warnings
Always strive for healing and forgiveness in relationships. Knowing that you tried will make a huge difference on how you look at the situation and will leave you with less regrets in life.
Create boundaries in the relationship that doesn't shut out your sibling, but doesn't allow for him or her to make a negative impact on your life.
Never not try to work through your feelings of unforgiveness. The process will make you stronger and healthier.
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Comments
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Mar 09, 2011
This sentence is well said - "A desire to heal relationships and compassion for another human being is very helpful". People often use boundaries improperly as a means to disconnect for safety. They miss that the goal of a boundary is to put in place a safe and proper way to get reconnected. Still it's is very hard and risky because it leaves open potential to be hurt again. I am not convinced that our goal should be to boundary ourselves away from every unrepentant offender holding others hostage and keeping them at a distance. One can become incredibly isolated that way and become bitter. As the author says above regarding the attitude to desire connection over all - "It is well worth the effort. Blessed are the peacemakers".
