Things You'll Need:
- Open mind
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Step 1
In our society, we have fairly rigid gender roles, meaning, boys are expected to behave in a certain way as well as girls are expected to behave in a certain way. There are girls toys, girls games and things that girls like. There are boys toys, boys games and things that boys like. In our society, we do give girls more latitude when it comes to gender roles. We can accept a more masculine girl (tomboy) more easily than we can accept a effeminate boy (fairy). When you have a child who falls outside of these expectations or roles, what does that mean? Is it a phase? Will he or she grow out of it?
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Step 2
The first thing to recognize is whether this is a serious issue for your child or not. A serious issue means it comes up on a regular basis, your child is not happy with their birth assigned gender and express desires to be the opposite gender. Often children who have issues with their gender can be depressed and have other emotional issues such as acting out or being extremely introverted. Children with more serious issues might express a desire to wear clothes of the other gender. In other words, if your child is experiencing serious issues with gender, it is not going to go away or just be an occasional "thing" you notice.
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Step 3
Don't panic. We are starting to understand the issue of transgenderism and there is hope for you and your child. The first thing is you need to have an open mind. This is a process and you may need to lay down some of your pride and just let your child express themselves in a natural way. The natural way might not be the way you originally expected. This can be very painful for parents to deal with and you are not alone. There are dozens, if not many more, parents of transgender children that are scouring the internet like you are, searching for answers.
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Step 4
There are very few doctors that have any answers to this issue. There is little, if any training for physicians in gender identity issues. As of now, gender identity disorder is listed in the DSM as a psychological illness. Perhaps someday when we can recognize the broad spectrum of gender expression it will be removed, as was homosexuality in the 1970's.
There are some transgender specialists out there, but they are hard to find. You will have to fight to find good care for your child that doesn't try to illegitimize their experience or who they are. -
Step 5
Many parents find that fighting their child on this issue or forcing them to be "gender obediant" can cause them to go into depression. The suicide rate among young transgender people is higher than average- 5% of female to male transgendered and 21% of male to female transgendered. (Source: The Great Divide (How Females & Males Really Differ) by Daniel Evan Weiss, drawn from data originally appearing in Archives of Sexual Behavior, December 1988 issue.) This is put out as information not to scare you but to let you appreciate the great pressure and stress our society puts on people to fit into narrow and rigid gender categories. It doesn't have to be that way!
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Step 6
Barbara Walters did a wonderful special on 20/20 about transgender children. You can watch it on youtube for free. Go to www.youtube.com and search for "transgender 20/20". The show is broken up into 5 or 6 segments. If you are feeling alone, you might want to watch this.
Get hooked up with other parents. There are several online meeting places for parents. Also if you have a local PFLAG chapter, that is a good place to turn for help.
