How to Support Someone Who is Grieving

People grieve for many different reasons. We think immediately of death of a loved one as a reason for grief, but divorce, miscarriage, a family member’s serious illness, job loss and natural disasters are just some of the other reasons people grieve. To provide support, we need to remember that each person processes grief in her own way.

Instructions

Difficulty: Easy

1. Listen.
2. Allow the person to express his feelings. Don’t scold or deny the person’s feelings.
3. Offer real, specific support. “Let me know if there is something I can do” is often less helpful than “How about I carpool your kids next week”? A direct offer allows the grieving person to tell you what she needs and what would be really helpful.
4. Don’t back away because you don’t know what to do or say. If you are at a loss for words, you can tell the grieving person exactly that. Often, just being there is sufficient. People don’t always need to talk.
5. Remember that a grieving person’s changeable moods are directed at you personally. Anger, sadness, numbness, denial, acceptance are all part of the grieving process and people may experience any of these emotions at any time. Allow them to be expressed.
6. Many people welcome touch, others don’t. Holding a hand, giving a hug can provide tremendous comfort. Take your cues from the grieving individual.

Tips & Warnings

• There is no time line for recovering from loss. Recognize that some people take longer than others.
• If the grieving person becomes so depressed that he is unable to function, suggest professional help.