How to Help a Friend Out of an Abusive Relationship

When a friend is in an abusive relationship, it is important to approach them in a sensitive way.

Helping a friend out of an abusive relationship isn't as easy as you might think. Some individuals may realize the relationship they are in is dangerous and may want to leave. However, in some cases, your friend may love the person he or she is with and may be convinced that the abuser will change and that things will be okay. Understanding how to best help your friend may be difficult, but it is possible.

Difficulty:

Challenging

Instructions

1. Understand that there are many barriers to leaving an abusive relationship. Abusive relationships work in cycles. When your friend's partner hurts her, he might immediately try to wash it away in what is known as the "honeymoon phase." This is a time in which the abuser makes promises that the abuse will never happen again. The abuser may shower the victim with gifts, attention and affection. Over time, your friend might truly start to believe that everything is her fault and that the abuser is really a good person. Your friend might continuously make excuses for the abuser, laying the guilt on her own shoulders and even convincing herself that all fault lies with her.

2. Maintain contact with your friend, at all costs. Abusers often attempt to cut contact with people that are close to the victim. This is to prevent any type of intervention. You may have to be a better friend to your friend than she or he can be to you for the moment.

3. Recognize the fact that your friend may quickly become defensive of her or his abuser, especially if you approach the conversation in a manner that attacks the abuser. Try using an approach that focuses on your concern for your friend. Remind your friend of how wonderful she is. Let your friend know that you are truly concerned for her safety and explain that you don't think she is receiving the kind of love that she deserves.

4. Avoid getting frustrated or cutting contact with your friend if you feel that your efforts are in vain. It takes time for a person in an abusive relationship to process what's actually happening in the relationship. There is often a breaking point for victims of abuse. They reach a moment in their abusive relationship when they see that your loving concern is valid.

5. Call the authorities if you believe that your friend is in serious physical danger. Even if you lose your friend, in the long run, she will be safe.

6. Offer support after your friend leaves the relationship and let her know that you are there for her. If she decides to go back to the relationship, continue to offer support. It often takes several tries for a person to leave an abusive relationship for good. The more supportive you are, the more likely it is that your friend will succeed in finally ending the abusive relationship.

Tips & Warnings

• Remember that it is your concern for your friend that should direct all of your conversations, not your anger at the abuser.

• Serious abusers may hurt your friend for talking to you. Remember, if you think your friend is in danger, call the authorities immediately.

References

• The Exacty Words That Could Help a Friend in an Abusive Relationship
• Controlling and Abusive Relationships