How to Know When a Date's a Nut

The dating scene has always been a crap shoot. Online matchmaking services and well-meaning relatives continue to ensure at least a few blind dates from hell. Simple steps make it easier to know when a date’s a nut.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Things You’ll Need:

• Common sense
• Cell phone with alarm clock
• Escape plan

1. Note how he comes to the door, if he comes to the door at all. Those who beep and yell “Yo, Mama,” from the curb or knocks on the door by kicking it in are sure signs of nutty dates.
2. See where he takes you. Fast-food joints may be cool for road trips, but not dates. Disco dancing went out in the 1970s. Truck stops are less than romantic.
3. Listen to his story. Nobody, not even a nut, will refuse to talk about himself. Find out where he grew up, went to school, likes to do for a fun. A nut will use key phrases such as: “boys home,” “drop out,” and “kill kittens.”
4. Lure out the lies. Ask the potential nut date to explain more about his claims that he’s a millionaire, a rocket scientist or never been married.
5. Know how to escape. Pre-programming a cell phone to beep 15 minutes into the date gives the excuse of a dear aunt dying of heart failure. Say you have to rush her to the hospital. If he’s as nutty as he seems, he won’t realize it’s just the phone’s alarm clock.

Tips & Warnings

• Try to meet in a neutral place for early dates, that way nuts won’t know any home addresses.
• Check for a white band of skin where a wedding ring would be.
• Never reveal the work address or phone number until it’s assured he’s not a nut who will constantly call coworkers or stop by with bouquets of skunk weed.
• Never date anyone who wears a chicken suit.