How to Survive a Horror Movie - No Really!

In honor of Halloween, ever found yourself in the midst of a horror movie? Follow these simple steps and maybe you can stay alive for the sequel!

Instructions

Difficulty: Challenging

Things You’ll Need:

• Common Sense

1. Never drink or do drugs.
2. Never say that you'll be right back. You won't…ever.
3. Whenever you enter a room, immediately turn the lights on.
4. If you are blonde, black or have big breasts, just give up now.
5. Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.
6. Under no circumstances should you EVER search the basement, especially if the power has just gone out.
7. Prior to entering a vehicle, be sure to check the back seat for occupants.
8. If at any time your friend or your pet turns into a demon kill them. If for some reason or another they suddenly turn back to normal, kill them anyway, just to be safe.
9. When confronted by the masked killer, do not run upstairs or into the back yard. Run out the front door...
10. Kill anyone who suggests that you split up. There is nothing wrong with them, it’s just better that way.
11. It’s not over if it is still night-time.
12. When it appears that you have killed the monster, DON’T take a closer look to see if it's really dead. It’s not.
13. Never stand in, on, above, below, beside or anywhere near a grave, tomb, crypt, mausoleum or any other form of burial chamber.
14. Stay away from certain geographical locations. Such as: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, or any small town in Maine.
15. Beware of strangers bearing tools such as chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, lawnmowers, butane torches, smoldering irons, band saws or any (possibly deathly) device made from deceased companions. In fact, don’t speak to them.
16. Never watch a horror movie while you're in a horror movie. I can’t emphasize this enough.
17. When battling zombies or any other undead beings, sever the head or shoot them in the brain. If you they still want to eat you after that, just surrender. It’s easier.

Tips & Warnings

• Always be nice to the shy, quiet, unpopular girl in school. She will usually survive.
• Don’t take your clothes off under any circumstances.
• Listen to the soundtrack or for reaction from the audience. They know better than you.