Step1
Make sure he isn’t there. He can be nowhere NEAR there. He preferably wouldn’t have been there in the last, say 5-6 hours, so that his all-familiar yummy scent isn’t lingering around. The last thing you need is to walk in and be blindsided with Drakkar Noir right off the bat. You’ll lose focus and start doubting your decision to break up. And if he actually wore Drakkar Noir, I’m proud of you for getting out of there.
Step2
Park close by. This was my big mistake today. You will be carrying multiple items, including and not limited to: pots and pans, books, lingerie, sports equipment, food items, and god forbid your vibrator lived there, you’ll be carrying that too, and whatever ever else you’d left. You really don’t want Nancy Neighbor knowing your business and if you’re walking down the street with an eye mask, curling iron, the entire DVD collection of Harry Potter and your favorite cereal, she might start asking questions. And furthermore, you will be crying. Park close. This is an important one.
Step3
Get your stuff out as quickly as humanly possible. The longer you’re in there, the more likely you are to unconsciously grab a cup of water, have a seat on the old’ couch, take a pee…all of which is not okay anymore. This isn’t your house. You wouldn’t rummage thru the cupboards for a glass at a strangers house, nor would you relax on their couch before asking. This is a new concept that you have to start accepting. Your membership has been cancelled. No more perks. Stay Focused!
Step4
NO SNOOPING. This is a big one. You’re allowed to see if your photos are still up, if your decorating tips are still in place, if your trinkets are still on his dresser, etc. but you are not, by any means, allowed to do the following: turn on his computer and see what new photos and documents are there, check his email and/or phone messages, look in his drawers for new condom purchases, smell his clothes and sheets for new perfume smells, and absolutely no checking his trash (I actually heard of someone doing this once. What on earth are you expecting to find there!?)
Step5
Leave something behind. Don’t take everything. You want him to miss you right? Even if you broke up with him, you do NOT want him forgetting about you before you forget about him. Leave a toothbrush, a comfy t-shirt you always wore, anything so that he’s reminded of you. Chances are he won’t be able to throw out your hair thingy or favorite snack item; he’ll keep it right where it lived.
Step6
Leave a note. A cute note. Anything you can muster up that’s 100% authentic adorable you…an inside joke, a saying you repeated often, a simple ‘I love you, take care’. Be the bigger person. Walk out of there with your head held high, and leave him wondering why you two ever broke up in the first place (unless it was all you, then you go girl!)
Step7
Get some big, oversized sunglasses. You will be crying at this point. This is when you take your final look around his place, soaking it all in, memorizing the details so you won’t forget, breathing in the last few rollercoaster years and letting it all sink in. It’s over. And now, putting his keys on his kitchen table, officially. Exhale as you walk out the door, make sure all your belongings are secure, you don’t want to drop your blender in his driveway, and get to your car as quickly as you can. And don’t you DARE put on sappy music. You just began a new chapter in your life. Try “Time to Move On” by Tom Petty. That might just do the trick.
Novice 
