Things You'll Need:
- A journal
- A sense of humor
- Sodas and snacks
- Computer and Internet
- Printer and supplies
- Paper for flyers, colored or Astrobrite is best
- A copy of Robert's Rules of Order
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Step 1
Write about yourself in your journal as if you were writing to a new friend. Write about what you like to do, what you like to eat, where you enjoy going, what you're interested in talking about. Just freewrite several times to see what comes up. If you feel lonely, write about the loneliness -- and ask yourself why you're lonely.
Reasons for loneliness range from shyness to logistic problems like moving to a new home or starting a new job and losing many of your social connections. When you know why you want to be more socially active, then you've got the beginnings of how to become more socially active.
If the only reason you want to become more socially active is that other people are pressuring you to, tell them no. There is no reason to waste your time socializing unless you genuinely enjoy it and have real reasons to hang around with those particular people. Whatever you choose to do, don't worry about other people's opinions of you. They don't matter nearly as much as yours, since you're the one who has to live in your life and you only have as much free time as you do. -
Step 2
Socialize on the Internet. This will do several things. For shy people, it's much easier to get to know people on the Internet first. There's less risk of getting tongue-tied or anxious, and by the time you meet them, they're already familiar. This is one of the easiest ways to meet new people that there is, because it's so topical.
You're not just going out to meet "people" and worried about making an impression on them. Follow your real interests. If you like model railroads and prefer railroads before 1900 -- then find the websites for model railroading and antique railroads. Don't bore everyone else with it and don't hold back your real enthusiasm. You're as interesting to them as they are to you.
Anyone's passion is someone else's crashing boredom. So seek out birds of a feather. Journaling helped discover what your real interests and hobbies are, so indulge them.
Try to find local websites too, sites based in your area that share your interests. If there isn't one, go to a free hosting site and start one, or start a community on LJ or Blogger for people from your area who share your interests. Making friends online has spared a lot of shy people oceans of anxiety -- and created real-life social clubs. -
Step 3
Visit local specialty stores for interests you're passionate about. If you like art, go to art stores, if you enjoy painting miniatures or roleplaying games, a gaming store, if you like videogames, a videogame store. Look for bulletin boards with flyers for local clubs on something relating to your interests. Someone else may have been trying to get a group together to enjoy Dungeons and Dragons or fly tying or crochet -- and half your work's done for you.
Call the contact numbers on any flyers for clubs you like and find out how to join from there. -
Step 4
If you can't find a local club for your interests, consider founding a local chapter of a national club or starting a local club from scratch. It's a little easier with local chapters of national clubs, because they already have lots of material on what the club's about and its usual activities. Download everything, get permission to open a chapter.
Design a flyer for it, put it up in stores relevant to the club's specialty interests. Video rental stores are good for TV-movie fan clubs, hobby shops for crafts, art stores for art clubs. Don't forget to put flyers in the public library and the grocery store too. Set a date for the planning meeting at a local coffeehouse or restaurant and put your phone number on the flyer as contact number.
Take calls, give directions and at the first meeting discuss what the chapter wants to do. Where to hold meetings, what activities everyone wants and how to adapt the club's purpose to the individuals who showed up are important discussion topics.
From there, just stay involved and participate. You might or might not be elected president, but you will almost certainly wind up as an officer for showing up at the founding meeting. Your social life will be so packed that you will more likely have trouble finding time to be alone. -
Step 5
Starting a club from scratch is very similar, but it takes a little more work and a lot of thought about the subject of the club, what activities you want to do at the club and what sort of commitment you want to make to it. Meeting once a month is a good thing for new clubs, because it means you get plenty of time to plan and phone around to those people who showed up at the first meeting to decide what to do next. No one's overloaded with responsibility.
Don't ask for dues at first. Just pass the hat at meetings to cover expenses, and set that aside in the club treasury for club activities like throwing parties. If you do fundraisers, you'll get more money and be able to do more expensive activities like weekend camping trips or renting a bigger meeting space.
Organizing clubs is mostly a matter of putting in the time and commitment, which means caring about what the club's about and not being afraid to call people up. Be prepared to pitch in and find a replacement for any volunteer who can't show up to an event, or to take care of it for yourself. If it gets large, you will have other volunteers who are just as passionately involved as you are, or more so. Sometimes founders don't remain officers, just keep going to meetings and let it roll on its own momentum. If someone else is very active and effective, don't get egotistic about running it -- let them do it, and reap the rewards of a better social life. That's what you set out to do anyway!
Comments
robertsloan2 said
on 3/16/2009 AllanaBaroni, thank you for mentioning yoga and gym classes. Yes. It goes for anyone -- if you're lonely, find something you're interested in and take a class. You'll meet people you like who have at least that topic in common with you.
robertsloan2 said
on 3/16/2009 IsleButterfly, I can see how that happened. People who spend all day with small children will get starved for adult conversation and would generally prefer any topic that does not involve small children or their needs. Try taking an art class. If you are outside sketching you will get interest and others may also draw paint or create various things. Art is communication -- it is one of the most powerful forms of communication and it attracts people by instinct. It's also far from having to be baby-focused and becomes part of "me time" for new mothers, something most desperately need.
robertsloan2 said
on 3/16/2009 Thank you! Moving to a new country is one of the toughest social situations -- everything is different, everyday customs are so changed it's easy to feel snubbed when everyone else is thinking they're being friendly. Journaling is a good way to sort out what's custom and what's not.
jpersing said
on 3/15/2009 Thanks for the tips esp on journalling, I used to do it. Since I'm new in this country and feel a little left out, I should take it up again. I agree that there should be a healthy balance between personal and social time.
IsleButterfly said
on 9/6/2008 Thank you for the suggestion. I think I am somehwat of a "shrinking violet" though I don't remember being this way when I was younger. I live in a caldesac where there are many stay at home moms and mom's who are expecting babies too. I have a 5months old...so you would think it is that easy for me to open up to talk...perfect subject..babies! I tried a couple of times but the conversation always seem to fade out. I can't even think of something else to spark up a descent conversation. It is always small talk.
(sigh) So I will take your advice about the journal and actually venture off to places such as library/herbal shop to find people with same interest