How to Keep an Open Heart on a Date

I have a major crush on a guy from Bulgaria. I have known him exactly one month and we have hung out exactly six times--four in a group, two just us. In conversations with my best friend, I call him "My Bulgarian Boyfriend." (I realize I disclosed a lot with that last sentence. If he inadvertently stumbles across this article my stomach will drop, my face will blush, I might even take permanent residence inside my closet. But I am trying to be vulnerable. I want to encourage everyone everywhere to stop building fortresses around their hearts for fear of looking foolish. It is for this greater good that I risk utter humiliation.) When I am with my crush, however, I play it so cool that he probably thinks I am no more interested in him than I am a can of Spam. This must stop. Thus I exclaim: Let us not go down with our hearts pale and frost bitten like chicken breasts left in the freezer too long, let us go down with our hearts bleeding and blazing red with love!

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderate

Things You’ll Need:

• A desire to build relationships based on enthusiasm and honesty

How to Keep an Open Heart on a Date

1. Make peace with past pains. All of us motoring the modern-love superhighway do so lugging baggage stuffed with the emotional wreckage of failed attempts at "forever" love. That baggage is heavy, but the good news is you can lighten your load with a little mourning. Sit with sadness. Acknowledge unrequited desires. Cry for what used to be, what could have been, what never was.
2. Repeat after me, "Just because I was hurt yesterday, doesn't mean I will be hurt tomorrow. My future only resembles my past if I allow it." Every date is a new date.
3. Vow to keep your heart open before every encounter with your crush. Be conscious. Stay soft. Stay sweet.
4. Check your ego at the door. Or better yet, wash it down the drain long before the date begins. The best connections develop when you let your guard down, when you are present and in-the-moment, when you stop planning your steps so that you will always appear witty, smart and hip.
5. Let your peepers lock. Nothing reminds us of our shared humanity, of our mutual desire for love, like eye contact.
6. Give your date a genuine compliment. They don't say, "Flattery will get you everywhere" for nothing.
7. If you're happy and you know it, show it. Be giddy. Smile. Hug. Say, "I'm having a really nice time with you." Holding back when you long to gush is the antithesis of an open heart. Not to mention boring and unfulfilling.
8. Resist the urge to put your date through a litmus test. Put away your checklist of required physical attributes, personality traits, interests and income. An open heart and a judging heart cannot coexist.
9. Remember: Dating is a dance. Pay attention. Don’t bleed your heart onto the table all at once (you don’t see me calling My Bulgarian Boyfriend, “My Bulgarian Boyfriend” to his face). If you sense that your affections are not returned, pull back. This does not mean closing your heart down, playing games or feigning indifference, instead it means being observant, moving in step with your partner and being respectful of his or her pace and boundaries. Demanding, persisting, forcing and ignoring verbal and non-verbal cues makes you less open-hearted and more sociopathic.