How to Move Forward in a Healthy Relationhip

The proper progression of a healthy relationship may vary but here are some guidelines:

Difficulty:

Easy

Instructions

1. 1. Before you get started:

   ♥ Develop a fulfilling relationship with yourself before you attempt to have a romantic relationship.

   The point is that romantic feelings can be like a tidal wave sweeping you out to sea if you are not securely tied to a relationship with yourself.

   Many of you may want to be swept out to sea, but this is not really healthy, and sometimes it is dangerous.

   2. Selection is everything.

   ♥ Take your time.
   ♥ Do everything you can to keep from being blinded by your emotions.
   ♥ Know what you don't want (people who trigger your dysfunctional behavior).
   ♥ Be willing to change your mind if you usually "cling" and be willing to hang in there if you usually "run."
   ♥ Look for someone healthy, and observe them objectively before you jump in.
   ♥ Look for someone who does not have to change very much too please you.
   ♥ Know what you do want. Make a list of the things that are mandatory and the things that are optional. Prioritize your list. Make sure you include things like availability, compatibility, honesty.

   3. Dating:

   ♥ This is where you find out what this person is really like. Any false fronts should crumble after a few dates.
   ♥ Be yourself. You want someone to know who you really are.
   ♥ Measure your compatibility during this time.
   ♥ Establish trust.
   ♥ Hold off on sex if it blinds you to what this person is really like, and keep a lid on any budding romantic feelings. (You may feel them, but don't give them a lot of power by fantasizing too much.)
   ♥ Be willing to change your mind if you usually "cling" to unhealthy people and be willing to hang in there if you usually "run."

2. 4. Friendship:

   ♥ See if you can relax and have fun together.
   ♥ See if you can count on this person.
   ♥ Continue to see if there is enough compatibility to sustain this relationship.
   ♥ Build a strong foundation for a future romantic relationship.

   5. Courtship:

   ♥ This is friendship with "an understanding" that things are going to become romantic.
   ♥ Romantic feelings can now have a free reign. See if they mix well with the friendship.
   ♥ You can let romantic love blossom now. You don't have to put a lid on your feelings anymore.
   ♥ Now you can test your readiness for intimacy. This is usually the time when a fear of intimacy comes up-if you have any.

   6. Commitment:

   ♥ Now things are getting serious.
   ♥ Set ground rules for the relationship.
   ♥ Discuss things like:
   - Fidelity
   - Growing closer
   - The future
   - How much time you will have for each other

   . . .anything that is important to you.

3. 7. Partnership:

   During a partnership you should:

   ♥ Maintain what you have established up to now.
   ♥ Honor the values you have in common.
   ♥ Grow as a couple, as well as individuals.
   ♥ Get to really know each other and experience intimacy.

   8. Switch:

   ♥ At any point in the progression of the relationship, one partner may experience a fear of intimacy and pull back. Don't panic. Give your partner some space. However, if he or she does not come around in a few weeks, you should move on.