How to Be a Loner

Are you a natural hermit, a seeker of solitude, the kind they call a "lone wolf"? Or are you just tired of the chaos and hustle of the world around you, overwhelmed by the majority of human relationships and looking for your own physical or emotional space? Being a loner is a common desire, but like any lifestyle choice, there are different ways to go about it, and being in tune with yourself and others will help you in your efforts.

Difficulty:

Challenging

Instructions

1. Understand how you feel about the world around you. Look inside yourself to see what is motivating your choices. Know enough about the world to justify your lifestyle to yourself. Just running away on instinct can be limiting and even painful. Making a deliberate, informed choice is much better for your sense of well-being.

2. Be compassionate. Let friends and family know that you still care about them. Take into account the feelings of the people from whom you may be withdrawing. Too often, the people involved with a loner are left with ambiguous impressions or the feeling someone dropped off of the face of the earth. A little communication can go a long way toward allaying those feelings.

3. Listen to your heart. Know when you want to be alone, and act on your feelings appropriately. Get used to communicating with yourself so that you know why you're doing what you are doing, and take time to reflect, rather than always reacting to what's around you.

4. Find places to live and work in tranquil solitude. If your job is the main obstacle, don't be afraid to try something else, even if it means financial sacrifice and insecurity. Find a place to live where you are comfortable. Work within your financial realities, but don't let people trap you in a chaotic lifestyle by telling you that you can't afford a change. You are the ultimate authority on your own life.

5. Keep a lifeline. Many loners use radio or the Internet as a way to keep in touch with the outside world. You might choose a few people you trust to keep in limited contact with. The problem with not having a lifeline? A loner can tend to become a slave to their own shifting impulses and lose all sense of proportion or common sense. People were made to be in the world, and although it's OK to be by yourself, it's dangerous to be completely cut off from others. Think about how you will actively maintain your lifeline to keep yourself healthy and able to function.

Resources

• Online Test: Are You a Loner?