How to Discuss M-Theory Like a Physicist

Everyone wants to appear to be smarter than they actually are, and there is no better way to impress someone than by discussing the highly complex M-Theory of modern physics. Dropping a few sentences about this potentially revolutionary and very controversial theory into your next conversation is guaranteed to make you sound like a genius.

Difficulty: Challenging

Instructions

1. Mention that M-Theory is an extension of the superstring theory, which states that particles are really one-dimensional vibrating strings rather than zero-dimensional points. Note that the superstring theory evolved in order to reconcile the problem that, with zero dimensional points, the basic theory of general relativity is irreconcilable with quantum mechanics and the Standard Model. Be sure to remind your listener that the Standard Model is flawed since it does not contain a description of gravity.

2. Remind your listener that Edward Witten proposed his M-Theory in 1995, and thus began the Second Superstring Revolution. Praise Witten for having the wisdom to propose a theory that not only unifies five separate superstring theories, but also includes the 11 dimensional super gravity theory. You might want to gasp appreciatively at this moment.

3. Frown as you describe the controversy surrounding M-Theory. Proponents have been accused of overselling its benefits while minimizing its weaknesses. Attack those critics of M-Theory who say the theory is incomplete and lacks predictive power. Indignantly remind your audience that, indeed, M-Theory is not yet fully developed. In fact, tell your listener that M-Theory is so revolutionary as to require an entire new mathematical language to complete its formulation.

Tips & Warnings

• Remember to wave your arms a lot while you speak. Try to make yourself go red in the face and sweat (if possible) to add credibility to your performance.
• This article is not meant to provide content for situations where you actually need to know what you are talking about.
• If by chance the cocktail party companion you choose to test your knowledge with happens to be a physics professor who spills his drink in his excitement at the topic, run away--fast.