How to deal when a friend comes out of the closet

"Um yeah, I'm gay." This is your cue to react... but how? Here are a few tips to help you sort out your feelings and opinions while your head is still spinning from the news.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderate

1. Take a deep breath. Keep in mind that your friend went out on a limb to tell you and is most likely nervous and/or frightened to see how you will react. Take a moment to collect your thoughts so you don't do or say something you will regret later.
2. Pin down your feelings about homosexuality. Do you think it's a choice, ingrained, or some of both? Are you open to the idea? Are your morals against it, or is your religion? If so, you may need to reconcile this with your friend's new role.
3. Pin down your feelings about your friend. Your friend is not a totally different person just because they are now out of the closet. Remember that this is the same person you knew and loved before. If you are the first person he or she came out to, consider it a compliment. Your friend values you and trusts you enough to show you who they really are.
4. Let your friend in on it. Imagine that you just told someone your deepest, darkest secret... and they don't say a word. This is an important time to let your friend know that you still care about them. If you have questions, or if you are struggling with your beliefs, discuss it. It's even possible that your friend predicted your internal struggle and has some valuable insight.
5. Deal with it. You may want to help your friend come out to others or help them prepare for a date. You may want to support them by joining PFLAG or a local gay/straight alliance. On the other hand, you may feel that homosexuality should not be encouraged. In this case, dealing with it would be learning to accept that your friend has an opposing viewpoint. You may feel that prayer is appropriate.

Tips & Warnings

• It's ok to be taken aback by this new information. Your friend will not expect you to adjust instantly.
• There are many support groups (both in real life and online) for the family and friends of homosexual individuals. If you are having problems adjusting, this may be the route for you.
• This is not the time to lecture or condemn your friend, who is especially vulnerable right now. That is likely to destroy your relationship with them. A simple "homosexuality goes against my beliefs" will suffice. Tact is important, especially when discussing something as personal as one's sexuality.