How to Be A Rabid Football Fan

The boys of autumn are back on the field. You have waited all year to see where they will rank, whether they will win or lose, and if the will make it to the Big Show at the end of the season. Here's how to show your team spirit.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Things You’ll Need:

• A Team Blanket
• A Team Jersey
• A Team Football
• A Team Beer Koozie
• A Team-themed Yard Decoration
• A Couple of TVs
• A Dedication To Your Favorite Team

1. And your favorite player is who? Go to the local sport shop for the major team in your area. Most if not all of the NFL teams have a store in your malls and shopping centers. Buy the jersey for your favorite player and wear it on game day. Make sure it is clean before every game. Nothing like the smell of sweat to mess with the teams mojo.
2. My gnome can kick your gnomes butt! Put some sort of lawn decoration out in front of the house. This will let all unexpected neighbors and visitors know what is going on before they ring the bell and distract you. It will also let them know what all the shouting is about. Don't leave it there after the game though. It could mess with next week's mojo.
3. Squeeze your favorite cold beer or other refreshment into a team koozie. It will keep you drink cold, absorb some of the spillage during the big plays, and well...add to the mojo.
4. When you are at the team store, get a blanket or a throw of some sort with your teams logo, or better yet, something that brags about how good they were in past years. Drape it over your favorite place to sit. This marks your spot and you need to keep kids, dogs, cats, spouses, dates, friends (anything that breathes, really) away from this spot.
5. Grab your team football and carry it during the entire game. Spike it on the good plays or throw it TOWARD the TV when the ref makes a dumb call. Just don't damage anything.
6. Finally, set every TV in your house to the channel airing the game. That way if you're walking to the restroom, fridge, or even the garage (yes the garage) you won't miss a minute of the game.

Tips & Warnings

• Don't overdo it.
• Enjoy yourself.
• Most games happen on Sunday so go easy. Most of us work on Monday.
• Always drink responsibly.