How to End a Friendship by Mail

Although it's usually best to end a friendship in person, circumstances sometimes arise that prevent us from a face-to-face finale. Rather than an awkward phone call or an impersonal email, a stamped, sealed and delivered letter is a sensitive way to terminate a platonic relationship.

Instructions

1. Write a handwritten letter. A typed letter is less meaningful than one written in ink, even if it's not a very legible one.

2. Be clear. State your reasons for ending the relationship, but also state definitively that the friendship is actually over. Spend time thinking about what you want to say and be precise. Vague sentences like, "I just can't do it anymore," will leave your friend confused about what he just received in the mail.

3. Use "I" statements in your letter. Just as you would in conflict resolution, explain the problems with your friend by using "I" sentences. For example, "I feel like we don't see eye to eye anymore," is better than "You don't understand anything about me." "I" statements express your feelings rather than directing blame to your recipient.

4. Remind your friend of the good times you had together and the reason you became friends in the first place. A letter with some sentiment will be appreciated, even though you are ending the relationship.

5. Avoid unnecessary frills. This is not a letter to a pen pal, so keep it simple. Skip smiley faces, scented paper, stickers and dotting your "i's" with hearts. Use a plain envelope and plain stationary.

6. Mail your letter at the post office or public drop box so you are done with it. Placing it in your mailbox at home could cause you to think about it and hesitate all day long.

Tips & Warnings

• Include your return address so your friend has the option of telling his side of the story.

• Ending a friendship by mail can be hurtful for the other person. You may not hear from your friend ever again.