How to Be Sexually Discreet

Sexual discretion recalls the old adages, "Don't kiss and tell," and "Gentlemen (Ladies) Don't Tell." Intimacy etiquette states that remaining discreet is proper manners. Sexual discretion is often preferred by one or both consenting adults as a personal choice. Discretion is required by some religions, institutions, and places of work where sexual relationships, preferences, and unions are strictly governed. Follow these steps to make certain you are sexually discreet.

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Instructions

1. Think before initiating contact. Even flirtation can suggest an intent or desire to engage in sexual activity. Choose carefully how, when, and in what ways or circumstances you participate in early sexual talk, touch or body language.

2. Talk with your partner(s). If you wish to keep your sex life private, communicate your wishes and ask that they be respected. Your partner has a right to discuss his or her sex life as he or she chooses. You may agree to keep things quiet or establish boundaries. Set an example for others by staying discreet.

3. Keep it in the bedroom or away from prying eyes. Couples or groups who engage in discreet sex should avoid public displays and settings. Much of this is straightforward: Close the drapes. Stop screaming "Yes!" Avoid parks. Don't bang the bedframe against the neighbor's wall or distribute the videotape to friends. Don't send a sexy thank-you note or exchange erotic emails at work.

4. Confront gossipers or witnesses politely if your sexual activities have been aired. This is especially important where sexual indiscretion compromises you in some way. Assert your right to a private sex life and to appropriate treatment.

5. Choose partners and sexual occasions wisely. There are countless instances in which promiscuous, married, divorced, monogamous or dating partners prefer being discreet. Think twice before taking part in breakup sex, impaired judgment, poor choices or awkward experiences like smooching with your dentist.

6. Deal with revealing accidents or slips as best you can. This includes obvious things like pregnancy, hickies, overheard conversations, unauthorized photos, cold sores, inside out clothes, and so on. Recover gracefully from such moments by concealing what you can tastefully and answering questions with care.

7. Learn your rights and prevent ugly situations. In some cases, sexual activity involves legal and civil issues such as slander, pornography, fetish houses, slander, adultery, STDs, unwanted pregnancy, property violations, assault, or harassment that result in damage to your life, job, reputation or marriage. Be safe, careful and considerate.

Resources

• Links to articles on sexual discretion and behavior.
• Links to articles aimed at women on public, private, and discreet sex.
• Links to articles aimed at men on issues of sexual etiquette.