How to Buy Guinness

No pub is complete without Guinness, Ireland's famous "meal in a glass." Guinness is a dark, full-bodied stout with a creamy head, that, when poured properly, goes down like a melting scoop of ice cream after a satisfying meal. If you want to pour, enjoy and buy Guinness like the Irish, follow these tips for a great glass of stout.

Instructions

Bottled or Canned Guinness

1. Accept the fact that this is not going to be the best way to enjoy Guinness, which of course is on the tap, but life without Guinness is impossible, so a bottle or a can may be second-best but better than no Guinness.

2. Hold the can/bottle and the pint glass sideways. As you pour out the Guinness, keep turning the glass with your wrist.

3. See that the glass is 3/4 full. Take a break and let the Guinness settle. Pour the rest, leaving a foamy head.

Guinness on Tap

1. Go to Ireland. If you can't go to Ireland, at least go to an Irish pub. If an Irish pub is not available, at least go to a pub where they have the sense not to serve stout cold.

2. Fill the pint glass at a slight tilt until it is 3/4 full.

3. Put the glass down and let it settle. This step should not be rushed. Any customer obnoxious enough to ask "Where's my Guinness?" during the settling process should be shown the door. He does not have enough respect for Guinness to be served in your establishment.

4. Top off the Guinness. let it settle again. The foam head should be just above the glass.

Drinking Guinness

1. Drink your Guinness slowly. Discuss philosophy, football, politics or Guinness, but make sure your discussing is intense and interesting. There can be no Guinness without lively conversation or lively conversation without Guinness. If you drink alone, talk to yourself.

2. Sip just the dark liquid of the Guinness, preserving its foamy top.

3. Get ready for the final flourish. If your Guinness was poured properly and drunk properly, there should be a little foamy ball at the bottom. Swallow it and enjoy; it should taste like melting ice cream.

Tips & Warnings

• Don't be disappointed if the foamy head from your store-bought Guinness is not as full as what you are accustomed to enjoy in a pub.

• Do not chill the glass even if you feel like it. Stout is not served cold.

• Don't ever think you have had enough Guinness. Unless of course, you are going to be driving, are nursing, pregnant or are taking certain medications.