How to Be an Elf

Some children dream of being firefighters or ballerinas when they grow up, but a select few dream of becoming elves. If you have always wanted to live at the North Pole and play with reindeer, then you may be interested in how to become an elf.

Instructions

Difficulty: Challenging

1. Be short. You can't be an elf if you're six-feet tall. If you're genetically predisposed to be short, then you're already ahead of the game. If you're growing at a normal rate, try lots of coffee and cigarettes to stunt your growth.
2. Have pointy ears. Again, genetics can really give you the upper hand here. If not, there are hundreds of plastic surgeons all over the country who will fix you up for a pretty penny.
3. Be selfless. There is no way that you can spend 80 hours a week making toys and presents for someone else if you don't have this quality. Elves are on the lowest rung of the totem pole pay-wise, so consider yourself to be stuck in the mail room for life.
4. Have a Christmas fetish. At the North Pole, it's Christmas year-round, so a love of the holidays is a must if you're going to be an elf. You should spend time memorizing all the Christmas carols, and get used to wearing red and green.
5. Have a reindeer operator's license. These are tough to get, and you have to pass a really strict written exam, but you can't be a Christmas elf without one.

Tips & Warnings

• If you want to become an elf of the Lord of the Rings persuasion, just follow Steps 1 and 2.

Who Can Help:

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